Looking for the Big Yellow Tent

Oh...did I mention?

2012-01-14T16:18:00.001-05:00

...that we went to Florida over the summer? We went in August for 9 days and had an amazing time. We did a split stay at Disney World. We spent 6 days at Pop Century and 2 at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. Our initial plan was once and done. That's it, we never need to go back. Then we got to the Animal Kingdom Lodge and realized that it's almost impossible to do one and done there. There's too much to see and too much fun to be had. We made it to Universal Studios too. I had something posted at Orlando Informer as a result of that trip. It was hot as Hades, but we managed it. There were a few notes to self that I will put into place the next time we go. So, we look back fondly on our trip; I follow lines chat everyday so I don't lose sight of the prize of going back as a family ; and what do you know? I managed to sleaze a birthday trip in with Island Girl in May. We won't be staying at Disney, but I will get her to Epcot!!!

It's an Icon!!

All Aboard

Wands don't kill people, people kill people

Outside room at AKL

Another new year...

2012-01-08T19:44:00.001-05:00

So it's 2012 and what's new? I have been working on some non-major health issues which have resulted in taking dairy and gluten out of my diet. I feel so much better and I am sure I will post more about that soon. I am still having back and leg issues which have derailed my hope to complete a marathon this year. I'm hoping to heal enough for my black belt test in May.

It's a big year this year. We have three 40th birthdays as well as a 60th and an 85th birthday this year. Lots of good things.

Our happiness is slightly tempered by a few friends who have been or may be soon divorced. We feel for them and don't know how to help. It seems more the rule than the exception these days. I found out today that a friend from college was diagnosed with breast cancer over the holiday break. It's amazing how on a dime what's a simple and happy life takes a dramatic turn. Please say a prayer for her.

So it's a new year with exciting promise for us. We are sending out prayers and hope for our friends who are going through such trying times. I hope your holidays were peaceful and the new year finds you well.

Life Lessons and Ramblings

2011-11-29T07:42:00.001-05:00

When I had my first son my mother in law told me to be ready because it's always going to be time for a birthday or for Christmas. That time just zooms by and before you know it, it's his birthday, and then it's Christmas , and so on. She was right. It's almost December. November seems to be crawling by this year. Which is working in my favor, because technically I am not late in putting my Christmas decorations up yet. The boys are getting big, and want big things. While my husband and I, we seem to look for less and less. I can always find stuff to put on my wish list, but we tend to just get things when we want them or need them. So I'm a bit of a hypocrite when I make my kids wait for special days to get new things, or go see a movie. I am trying to get them to understand what things cost and how a night at the movies can be almost half of our weekly grocery budget. A night at a restaurant, is the rest of said budget. Buying a blu ray every time a new one is released is gas money for the cars. It's a concept that my older son is grasping. My younger son is beginning to get it. We've started allowances. They get paid for doing their chores and have to put some into savings, but the rest they can spend. I'm wondering if they will buy each other gifts this year, or if it will be everyman for himself as far as cold hard cash goes. I am a terrible spender. I like things. I grew up having things handed to me whenever I wanted them. No was not in my parents vocabulary. Which wasn't a good thing. It led to bankruptcy for my father and hard lessons later for me. I have learned and manage myself much better now but it's a constant struggle with myself. It really seems that yesterday we were in college and planning to get married. Now, a home, a boy in the navy and two preteens. Time flies. Here's hoping to more cohesive thoughts soon. And here's to a lovely holiday season.

Looking at the Bright Side

2011-09-20T07:58:00.000-04:00

A dear, dear friend is having surgery this week. It's a big, big surgery. The good news is that she should be fine after and she will have a fabulous rack. The good news also is that she won't need chemo or radiation. The bad news is that a dear friend is having a big surgery because she is one of two people who has ever been reported to be going through what she is going through. 2 out of 7 billion people. She describes it as shit luck. I guess you could call it that. I can't even imagine how this is rattling her and her family. I don't get to see her as often as I would want to, but when we talk it's like we just saw each other a few minutes ago. We've been through great times in our lives and devastating times in our lives. This is a devastating, yet ok time because what a traumatic event this is, but how fortunate that this is it (hopefully). It reminds me of my husband and his crazy health things that happen. Maybe this is one of those times when a greater force is making a person who does so much for so many take an imposed vacation. Not that recovering from surgery is a vacation, but she will have people taking care of her, which I think she has earned. My friend does a lot, for her family for her friends and for her job. It is this strange situation, much like my husband's issues, where though it is serious, it will most probably be fine once all is said and done. She is eternally thoughtful and lovely and does not deserve to be going through this, but I am glad it is just this. I love you my dear, dear friend and I know you will be fine. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Imagine what next summer will be like with your fabulous new rack.

Keep it Simple

2011-09-19T08:07:00.000-04:00

What to write, what to write...I want to be sure to stay with the blog, so it's my goal to sit and write about something 5 days a week. We shall see if that happens. But the first step is having something to write about. It's not that I lack thoughts or ideas, it's just there are too many. Some silly, some serious, some maybe controversial so try to stay away from those just yet.

So, what to write about today? How about the simple joys of life. A morning workout with a friend. A funny word from Brian. Making Kevin laugh. An appreciative glance from Ray. The dogs and their crazy greyhound ways. A beautiful pre fall morning. A busy weekend topped by a baby shower for the latest addition to the Dusseault clan and his lovely Mommy to be. Looking at one of my sisters - in - law and knowing that she is probably thinking the same thing that I am and laughing about it. Looking forward to school drop-off because it means I get to see my mom friends. Church, because the priest makes me think but doesn't force thoughts in my head. Music, because it hits my soul and makes me laugh, or cry or just remember something that was tucked far away in the recesses of my brain.

What are you enjoying today?

Your Mother Must be so Proud

2011-09-15T07:20:00.002-04:00

...is what I thought sitting two cars away from the light of a major intersection yesterday. I thought this as a probably 14 year old "young man" led his friends across the street no where near the crosswalk and between cars. I thought this as this 14 year old white boy with his "wife beater" top and white boxers nodded with a smirk at each driver sitting in traffic and said "hey what's up". I know he had white boxers on because he may as well have not been wearing any pants. He wasn't just "bustin' a sag", the waistband of his jeans were very carefully placed around the tops of his thighs, so yes, I could see his ass very clearly as he walked by. Thank God everything was covered by those very white boxers. And as he passed my car I looked at him, and he looked at me, nodded his egotistical nod in that way only a teenager with this kind of attitude can manage, said "hey", I shook my head and said, "your mother must be so proud". I don't get it.

"The only way past this moment is through it."

2011-09-13T10:01:00.003-04:00

I found this title in my lists of posts, but apparently I never did anything beyond making a title. The quote...I have no idea where it came from now, but it's a pretty good quote. It's an important notion. How do you get through a tragedy? Here is the answer. You move through it. You don't get over it, you don't forget it, you move through it.

There is a family in my neighborhood. A lovely family. A mom and dad, a husband and wife, a man and a woman that when you see them, you just like them. You don't even have to know them, you just feel like you like them. Three little girls, three sisters, three daughters, that smile and run and jump and just made you smile when you saw them. A horrible accident has taken one of those girls, one of those sisters, one of those daughters away. For now, normal no longer exists. Life stopped for a while for this family. My God, how do you get it to start again. How do you breathe when you can't find the air? You look to the children. The sisters, the daughters, the girls...I smile when I see them because for everyone who feels the pain for this mom and dad, this husband and wife, this man and woman, the mere sight of the girls brings hope and joy and the knowledge that yes, life does go on. And I smile, because they run and jump and make you smile. These girls, these sisters, these daughters, bring the love and joy only children can when such an unthinkable event happens. These girls, these sisters, these daughters, these reminders that life goes on, tell us, ready or not...here we go, let's breathe now.

So, while I know that this family will never, ever get over what has happened. I know in my heart that they will move through it. And I know that that precious girl, that sister, that daughter, will help them move through it. She will guide them like the angel she always has been, and they will find a new kind of normal that embraces her memory and keeps them moving forward. This mom and dad, this husband and wife, this man and woman and these girls, these sisters, these daughters, this family, they will be ok.

The Joys of Incompetence

2011-09-13T08:05:00.000-04:00

I have never done anything that has made me feel more incompetent, than be a mom. I have a master's degree, doesn't mean I am super smart, it means I worked for it. I am good at what I do for work, by far not the best in my field. I think having kids definitely interferes with my ability to pay attention to advancing myself at work. That's a choice I have made though, I'd rather be able to stay home with a sick kid and help with homework. It's an interesting balance of working and being a parent. I work part time and often feel that I am being torn in many many opposing directions.

I have all the respect in the world for mothers who work full time and still manage to be present at their children's activities and help them with homework. My gut tells me that they just make better use of their time. They are more organized than I am. It's easier to say that, than look at my lack of time management. I'm really bad at it and often put housework and report writing on the back burner to.....nothing. Sure I help with the homework and reports and go to games and activities, but I really waste a lot of the rest of my time on....nothing. I have to change that. I will change that.

I find homework and projects awful. Here's why. My older son is a perfectionist, but not in a "wow that's a great report" kind of way. It's more of a "please stop crying! You can do this, just write something! Write anything!" He can't start writing, he wants it to be perfect from the first letter, so he needs help. I am the one he comes to because I am softer in my approach with this kind of thing. I am the one he comes to because I don't yell (mostly), however he doesn't think I know anything. This poses a problem. When I make suggestions, he looks at me as if I have three heads. I have come to the point where I tell him "don't think, just listen to me and write", and it works for now.

I was wondering last night, how does he see me? Am I just the person who cooks and sometimes cleans and always shops? Have I set this up because I send him to his father for answers due to the fact that he often asks me something when I am smack in the middle of another task which actually requires my full attention. I have often said to him, "I do actually know how to do things, I've done everything you're doing and I did it well". Doesn't matter. So I sit here, helping him and feeling incompetent because he doesn't trust that I know what I am talking about ("Yes, I swear to God, one of mistakes on that Atlas is that Europe is way too big! Fine, wait for dad to tell you the same thing"). I also sit here knowing in my heart that I have the skill set to help him and if I can just get past this disbelieving child, I may help him earn an A. I may help him figure out how to just come to me and show me the final project and be proud of what he was able to do.

please, please listen to me

Pulled Pork (Oh this should have happened oh so long ago)

2011-07-27T20:38:00.000-04:00

Many many months ago, Island Girl and I spent a Sunday making pulled pork. We had some fun taking pictures with the notion of a blog post, alas, poor Island Girl, the pictures sat and sat in cyberspace. But here they are now. Rejoice and join me on this journey to yumminess!

Red onions sliced and placed on bottom of slow cooker

IPA beer and chicken broth

Pork loin, and dammit if I have no idea what we put on it

Everyone in the pool!

The pulling of the pork many hours later

Everyone back in the pool

The rolls....oooh and it looks like paprika may have been involved
at some point

looks good and I believe barbeque sauce
made an appearance in this step

Island Girl digs in

yum yum yummy

We thoroughly enjoyed our pulled pork. A lesson has been learned. If you write the post immediately, you will remember all of the ingredients.

time sure does fly...

2011-07-27T20:19:00.000-04:00

Hey Ho Howdy,

Time sure does fly when you waste it. A common theme among recent posts I suppose. What's new here? Well I continue to find new ways to avoid doing any productive work both in the house and at work work. My most recent? A trip to Disney and Universal that is soon approaching. I am over the top excited for this. Of the four people in my home, I am the only one that has been there, and that was a long time ago. It eats up every brain cell I have. I don't expect us to have anything close to a perfect trip, but I am expecting that we will have fun.

So what else? Let's see....

The Nephew is now in the Navy. Holy Crap!

We went on our first big trip sans children to see him Pass in Review!!

The Nephew all handsome. Well done Sailor!!

There was a parade and our newly crossed over boy scout walked in it!

There was a 10th birthday!

And an 11th birthday!

I tested for my black stripe in Tae Kwon Do!

The cursed spinning hook kick. Just about did me in.

And he tested for his red stripe!

And a baseball player was born!

Challenger League baseball is one of the most inspiring
things I have ever seen

It's been a productive Spring and Summer so far. Let's see if I can't get myself back in the swing of things here. Happy day to you.

And now for something different...

2011-02-09T05:29:00.000-05:00

I'm running to the yellow tent today. Feel free to join me.

Mom what should I wear?...never mind

2011-02-07T07:47:00.002-05:00

My fashion advice no longer carries much weight

I always fall for it. Always. "Mom, what should I _________" And I offer my helpful advice. And it's shrugged off. Since Thing1 started first grade I have been falling for this. Every time. Although I have learned in certain situations that I need to preface my comments by telling him he will listen to what I say and follow my instructions without questioning because it will all go much better if he just goes along ( like the report he just got 14/15 on because I made him follow directions).

Today was not one of those days. It's Spring picture day at school. Yes, Spring picture day. It's 30 degrees and quite the winter wonderland and they are doing Spring Pictures. Anyway, the question comes this morning, "What should I wear today for pictures?" I fell for it, and I offered my thoughts on what would look nice and I get this, "ummmmmm, I'm not sure about that". I'm learning, I take it better now. I mumble as I walk out of the room, "Well, just pick something out, you aren't going to listen to my suggestions anyway, I don't know why you even ask." I could probably drop the snark, it doesn't help the situation, but we both took it fairly well. In the end, he picked out a nice outfit, and took my suggestion regarding the tuck or no tuck question, so that's something.

Wasting Time

2011-01-23T20:11:00.002-05:00

So I have a new header for my blog. But I can't put it up yet because for some reason, when I do put it up, it's very blurry. So apparently there is some kind of a glitch, I'm not the only person having this issue, so I won't put it up until the issue has been resolved. Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's another reason for no good post yet. i'm working on it though. Got a pulled pork post and a renovation post...so hang in there. I'm coming back soon.

It's Always Something

2011-01-19T07:45:00.000-05:00

There is always something to get in the way of a blog post. Too many ideas, not enough ideas, not enough time, too much time but not enough ambition, too many silly distractions, too many responsibilities, Grey's Anatomy. Yup, many things get in my way. If I got up at four in the morning I could get everything in that I want to, or perhaps if I used my time more efficiently I could get everything done. I'm working on it. No one's perfect right? There's lots going on, I just can't seem to be able to write about it. Nothing bad, all good actually, I just seem to be falling away from paying attention again. So I'm a work in progress, as is this blog. Hang in there, I'm sure I've got a good post coming soon!

Happy 2011

2011-01-03T16:24:00.000-05:00

Here it is. A new year. Were you ready? I was and I am. Lots of exciting things going on this year. The Nephew ships out in 10 weeks for the Navy. That's very exciting. Big fat trip to Disney world in the works. That is super exciting. That's all the excitement I ask for though. Sounds like enough.

What's new so far? I'm in the process of stopping caffeine. Now that my iron is coming under control, I'm thinking I won't need the pickme up anymore. It's not easy breaking that habit. I'm a little tired and grumpy but I think I'll be ok. I'll treat it like facebook, I'll give it a month and see what happens. I survived coffee out with the ladies this morning. I got an Odwalla super omega drink instead. See? So healthy in 2011.

I'm planning on working on the food intake to make it more iron friendly. Another reason to get rid of caffeine, it blocks absorption of iron, as do a lot of other substances. So I'm paying more attention to what blocks, what doesn't block and how to balance it all out.

I've made resolutions for the boys, which in turn become mine because they require me to enforce instrument practice time.

I think 2011 looks good so far. Hopefully it remains as relatively uneventful as can be. That makes it nice and peaceful.

Happy New Year

Christmas is Coming

2010-12-22T07:24:00.002-05:00

Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat. Please do put a penny in the old man's hat.

Yes indeedy, Christmas is upon us.

Do you love Christmas? If you're Jewish, do you love Hanukkah? Or do you just pray that the time from Thanksgiving to Christmas moves quickly by without incident? Do you get hung up on presents, or do you just enjoy the time spent with people? Do you miss someone so deeply that the holiday season is like a dagger in your heart?

I love this season. I don't really care for the materialism of the season. But I do my best to find a balance for our family. I miss my parents. I miss my dad especially because 1. he was my dad and 2. his birthday was in December. I find a strange solace and gratitude, that while I don't get to see my parents watch my children grow, I had the mercy of having small children when I lost them both. I grieved, but I was distracted at the same time. The joy in my children balanced out the grief, no, actually, it outweighed the grief. I look at my children and my husband and they carry me through when I miss my parents. I remember how my son giggled with uncertainty at seeing me crying because he had no idea what I was doing (I tend to avoid crying if at all possible), and how that made me laugh on what was the most devastating day in my life.

There are moments when the grief overcomes me and it's at times when they should be here to see what's going on. My nephew's graduation, my son playing Carol of the Bells as a piano solo at the Mall before his school chorus sang. It's moments when I know he would be proud, but I know he's here, because I can actually hear his voice.

So, do I wish the season to zip by? No, because my boys love it so, I would never take it away from them. Do I miss someone so deeply it's like a dagger in my heart? Yes, but the boys outweigh that. I miss that I will never make another memory with my father or mother. But I cherish the ones I have, and I know what Dad and Mom would contribute to new ones.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I hope you don't let the hectic world get in the way of Joy and Peace. I hope if you are missing someone, you can find peace and still enjoy the beauty of the season.

Merry Christmas

More Leaf Pile

2010-12-21T18:46:00.001-05:00

Playing with the leaf pile

2010-12-21T18:37:00.001-05:00

One of Brian's big wishes this year was a great big leaf pile to play in. Daddy was able to make his wish come true.

Success!! And many yummy results!

2010-12-21T07:43:00.003-05:00

A lovely friend of mine hosts a kick butt cookie swap every year. I love attending and getting lots of yummy treats, but I come home with a lot of peanut filled cookies. This is an issue because one of our boys is allergic to peanuts. I have a number of friends now that have children with allergies, or they themselves have allergies, so I thought maybe a nut free cookie swap would be a nice idea. It made me very sad to not go to my friend's swap, I do enjoy a peanut blossom ( or twelve), but I am thrilled to say that the swap here went very well.

I was a little nervous, because the first swap I hosted did not go as well. People really didn't understand the concept and refused to bring the requested amount of cookies, so that one fell flat and left me disheartened. How can I be as awesome as my friend if people won't follow the rules?! Thanks to awesome neighborhood friends, my swap went very well. We had two extra trays of cookies, one for the teachers at the neighborhood school and one for a needy family. I was going to bring the last tray to work, but really, we eat enough treats every day, so it should go to someone who needs it. The best part? It's all nut free, so Thing 2 is free to try whatever he wants. I may be crazy next year and do both swaps. I really missed spending the time with my friend!

ummmmmm....Wait, it's what time???

2010-12-15T08:17:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to write about. My new morning routine is to grab a cuppa and sit down and check email and check in with my favorite bloggers. My two daily reads wrote about things which tied into some recent posts of mine. Something Small Today wrote about stress and little things that make things not so bad. I agree with him, that chocolate milk will fix almost everything. Single Dad Laughing talked about facebook. We all know how I feel about that and he goes into some other complaints and realizations about facebook.

So since we overslept and I seem to be running extremely late, I direct you to my fellow bloggers...they've said it all today.

Wow....really?

2010-12-13T07:56:00.001-05:00

Regarding my job, I had someone ask me the other day, if I have children of my own. I guardedly answered "yes, two", because I couldn't quite read where this was going. I tend to answer some general personal questions in my job because it is a very personal thing we do, going into people's homes and invading their lives. So if it makes them more comfortable with me, I answer some simple, general questions. What typically follows that question is, "how old are they?", "boys or girls?" or something along those lines. What I got was the following, with venom and what seemed like hatred, "How can you stand to do this all day?".

Now, granted, working with two year olds is not always the most relaxing job, especially when I am trying to force them to talk. Some kids respond very well to me, some don't, some try very hard and have a tough time. I'm on their turf, and they typically rule the roost. They eventually learn that I am in charge and go along for the ride, but some kids never relent and I have to figure out how to work it out. I play with potato heads and bubbles, what's so awful about that?

This person's child is a doll. This child does basically anything I ask, and does so happily, so when this question was asked, I think my jaw may have dropped. I answered with as much energy as I could, "I love my job, what's better than this job?", but her question deflated me, and as I walked away from the home, and got into my car, all I could think about was, does this person hate her life? I felt bad for her, I've had people ask me that question with incredulity, with admiration or just amazement, it's not their cup of tea, but they can appreciate that I like my job. But this person, the venom with which she asked the question, what must her everyday life be like, for her to ask this in such a way.

So yet again, I am reminded of how lucky I am. I have a great job, a nice house, a nice family and a really nice husband. I can definitely stand to do all of it, all day, every day.

Come on! Potato head all day? What could possibly be bad about that?

Our First Gingerbread House

2010-12-07T07:44:00.000-05:00

We made our very first gingerbread house last night. I had the genius idea to use a kit that I bought at Target. It was not as easy as it was explained on the box of said kit. Lots of mental notes were taken to make next year an easier experience. First: We will wait for the roof to be firmly glued on top before trying to add any decorations. Perhaps maybe we won't need to add the plastic cups to serve as support beams to keep it on top. Second : I will buy frosting as opposed to using the crazy stuff they put it the kit. We managed to make the white icing work, but the green and red icing were like cement. I pulled some red icing out of the pantry to help make Santa. It was kind of old, so what ended up happening was a stream of liquid came out before the frosting. Alas, Santa looks like he was shot and is now bleeding out. BUT! we made a gingerbread house and only one of us cried briefly in the process.

our house looks like it may be in foreclosure

Santa should have stayed away from this house...someone call 911

All that free time is paying off

2010-12-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

Modern Cranberry Noir Christmas

Get custom photo Christmas cards online at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

and the beat goes on

2010-12-04T19:13:00.000-05:00

So it's been two days since I have perused Facebook. Well, if I am going to be honest, I activated yesterday to find a friend's email address, purged about 100 people off my friend list and then I deactivated again. You know what? I'm doing just fine. I did start looking at Twitter, which, frankly, I don't really understand, so I can't see that being as much as a time sucker as Facebook is. Am I off forever? We'll see. My goal is to revisit the thought again after the holidays. I did use it to create and easy contact thread for my family. Then again, an email thread is just as useful.

What have I done with my extra time? I've been playing with my blog set up. I loaded all of my 2010 pictures to Shutterfly so I can start working on my photo album. I sat and made a great healthy menu for our week's meals. Very excited about grilling tuna tomorrow. I've done some little housekeeping things, but mostly, I haven't been looking at people's status and thinking, "yup, no one cares". Now I did not feel that way about every status. I have my core group of people of which I will miss their wittiness and fun. I can only hope that they will follow me here and comment on posts so I can still enjoy their silliness and, sometimes, seriousness. I need to start spending time at Running to the Big Yellow Tent as well, I see some quality time happening there. I see myself being ok after I get through the minor shakes I've been having occasionally. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, and I have other things to worry about.

That's it?!

2010-12-03T17:50:00.002-05:00

I've been tired for about two years. I have a history of hypothyroidism, so when my primary Dr wasn't addressing that like I thought it needed to be, I went to an endocrinologist. My levels kind of fluctuate, but no matter how good my levels looked I was consistently exhausted. When I woke up in the morning I couldn't wait to go back to bed. I couldn't focus on anything. I had the attention span of a gnat. I let my primary doctor know all of this. She referred me to a neurologist to rule out ADD. I didn't go to find out, I knew that wasn't the problem. It was then I called the endocrinologist.

Here are some symptoms of hypothyroidism. Fatigue (yes) weakness (yes) weight gain or difficulty losing weight (sometimes) hair loss (yes) gi issues (yes) depression (yes) memory issues (yes) decreased libido (none of your business). There are other symptoms which don't really affect me, but yup, most of them do. Even when my blood levels are good, so something isn't right. Even after seeing the specialist for two years, it's not getting better. He's stymied. Why do I need such a high dose of synthroid? You're the bleepin' Dr, you tell me.

So I'm beginning to think I'm crazy or lazy or both. Immediately after I put the boys to bed, I go to bed. This is at 7:30. Sometimes I stay up until 9 or 10, but it's rare. My sanity is suffering, my marriage is dented and bruised, but good nonetheless. Needless to say, I have a good guy taking care of me.

This spring, I notice that I am not sleeping well. I'm waking up a lot in the night. My handsome husband tells me that I snore quite a bit.

I look like this

When I sleep, you'd think I look like this

Needless to say. This is disturbing to me. So I tell my Dr that I am concerned about my sleep, maybe I have sleep apnea because I am just exhausted all the time. She refers me to a sleep Dr and gives me a rx for Ambien, which I don't fill.

As you can see form the above picture, I fancy myself a runner. I also take Tae Kwon Do. Over the past two years, I have noticed my endurance getting worse and worse. I can't do less than an 11:30 minute mile. I can't keep up in class. I am sucking wind and it's awful. Is it asthma? I don't know, all I know is that it sucks. I did complete a half marathon, which is important because the training will come into the story here.

Long story as short as I can make it, I go to the sleep doctor who sends me for a sleep study, a breathing study and blood work. What she gathers from that info is that I have low iron, I'm anemic. This is causing restless legs, which may be affecting my sleeping. The anemia is affecting apparently every aspect of my life.

Let's look at what else iron deficiency causes. Tired or weak (yes and yes), breathlessness (yes), hair loss (yes), heavy periods (hey, none of your business), brittle nails, (yes), irritable (yes) trouble concentrating (yup), the libido thing (myob). Now lets look at anemia and runners. Training stimulates a need for iron. Anemia causes decreased endurance and power, fatigue and injuries. Which lead to a wanna be runner feeling like shit and useless.

umm HELLO?! Where along this path should one of my other doctors have checked my iron? The good news is, I feel so much better. I can think, I can function, I can run. I was irritated, my husband was irritated and my marriage, if not for an awesome husband, could have suffered horribly. I'm thankful that this problem was found, but I am a little put off that my doctors did not find this.

I can't say that I have stopped snoring, but for the most part, I'm sleeping better. I'm functioning better, and I'm feeling fortunate that this was an easy fix. I will be giving my doctor a piece of my mind next week. But for now, I'm going with the grateful thing.

"What's That Smell?"

2010-12-03T07:45:00.003-05:00

Shane D's post at Something Small Today reminded me of this awesome song. We used to sing this to the boys all the time. Although we haven't watched these videos in about 5 years, I still hear this song when someone asks, "what's that smell?"!

"Having a vodka on the rocks while I write an IEP"

2010-12-02T18:39:00.005-05:00

This is the status that chased me off of facebook. This is the status that was the proverbial last straw. Here are a few reasons why this status (and facebook in general) infuriates me.

1. Teachers get enough crap and disrespect just for being teachers. Do you know how many people complain about teachers' statuses? I support teachers all the way. My husband is a teacher. But you don't bitch about having to go back to work after having summer vacation. You don't do it. Ignorant people don't get that teacher's are being ironic, or funny. They just think that teachers are spoiled jerks. They aren't, I know for a fact that they aren't. Teachers are hard working people and deserve that summer vacation. They go above and beyond the call of duty. People who don't know teachers don't understand that. Dammit, as a teacher how can you not censor yourself and realize that people are going to be angry? How do you not see that you are fueling the "teachers do nothing" fire.

2. My child has an IEP. I would like to think that the person writing his IEP did so in a sober state of mind. Now I know that this person who wrote that status was not drunk and writing this, but oh my God, how unprofessional can you be? It is not a moral gray area. It's wrong to drink while you are preparing what is a legal and binding document. You have a child's education in your hands. What on Earth are you thinking and what are you thinking proclaiming this proudly.

3. People actually liked this status. People commented positively.

4. I don't care what your daily errands are. I don't care about a lot of things on facebook.

5. Facebook creates a false sense of friendship. We are all in this together, right? We are all on the same page, right? Wrong.

If you are my friend, you know how to contact me beyond facebook. I'm done, and you know what? I feel pretty damn good.

Greener Grass Part Deux

2010-10-25T07:53:00.002-04:00

So five years ago we moved into my childhood home. We had a nice little two bedroom ranch that had an airport runway for a backyard, we had amazing neighbors and we loved it there. When my father died, he basically left The Nephew with no one to care for him. We decided that the best thing for everyone was for us to sell our little piece of sunshine and move into this house, 1) because our house was too small and 2) because The Nephew had had enough loss in those past few months. We couldn't throw one more change at him. So, although he did lose his bedroom to our boys, things mostly remained the same for him, as much as they could.

When we moved into the house it was in a relative state of disrepair. We quickly slapped some nice paint on the walls and made it feel warmer. Because of some of my father's debt that I inherited, we have always stayed here with the thought that we may not be able to afford to stay. Every improvement we have done. was done with the notion that we may have to sell, and if that particular need remains, then we would never be able to sell this house.

Our house is a raised ranch, by far my least favorite layout for a home. Recently we have started looking at houses in our neighborhood of envy. Which is literally a quarter of a mile from where we are right now. The houses are older, colonials and capes, they have a lot of character and a lot of our friends are in that neighborhood. I always envy lovely colonials and big capes. They are so pretty and Normal Rockwell. Here's the thing though, every time we go look at a house, no matter how lovely, it doesn't compare to ours ( in our eyes). We have, at this point, done so many little things to our home, that the big picture is pretty darn nice. And it's funny, every time we go look at other people's houses, I come home, find something I want to fix and fix it, or find something to get rid of and get rid of it. Our house gets better every time we go look at what we think will be "THE" house for us. I think we've already found it though.

So once again, the grass is greener right here. I'm thankful for it. I may keep looking just to be reminded of how lucky we are here.

The Grass is Always Greener....

2010-10-14T11:47:00.002-04:00

...in your own yard.

Yesterday was one of those days. It wasn't a bad day, per se, but it was a weird day. Nothing horrible happened but little things kept going wrong. I woke up thinking that I should just stay in bed. I said to my husband, "I feel like I should just stay home". As I drove to work with tears in my eyes and a Starbucks latte next to me, because of all the little things that had gone awry, I was happy to think that I might get some empathy soon. Here's the rub though; everyone had or was having one of those days or weeks too. Basically, everyone one-upped me on my day of woe. Now, that didn't necessarily make my day easier or make any of the stupid stuff go away, but I certainly appreciated that my problems were small, very small, and I knew that the next day would most likely be better. I would definitely choose my problems over anyone else's. They are mine, they are familiar and they help to make me who I am. Just like my successes and joys. They are a part of the fabric that makes me me. So, I'll take my version of green over the next guy's. You never know what's going on beyond the pretty green grass.

Time Flies and Facebook is a Black Hole Sucking it Out of the Sky

2010-10-13T07:46:00.004-04:00

I used to post a lot. I used to take time every couple of days to sit and write something down. And then I found Facebook. And then I just constantly lost track of time. But that's ok. Maybe I had nothing fantastic to say for a while. I keep in mind a phrase that a friend of mine uses. "OCD with ADD". I get very excited and focused and then totally forget that I was interested in something. My focus could last a day or a few weeks, or even months, and then I just forget about it. But the nice thing about the blog is, like anything else, it's always here for me. Although, I wonder sometimes, isn't it a delusion of grandeur to write this? Isn't is self absorbed of me to think anyone would be interested in what I have to say? I guess that doesn't matter. There are thousands if not millions of blogs on the internet now. I don't need mine to be huge. I don't need it to change the world. If I can make a friend laugh or reminisce with me, then it's doing what I need it to do.

By the way....in the time that I lost touch with the Yellow Tent, the Nephew graduated !! Yay us!!

A Picture Everyone Should See

2010-10-12T07:55:00.000-04:00

Don't you feel better now?

The Beginning of the End

2010-06-08T08:02:00.002-04:00

It's been almost five years since we took the Nephew in. Five years since we thought we would never get him out of High School. Five years since our world was turned on it's side. I won't say the world ever righted itself. We just learned to tilt our heads and have a new perspective. So anyway, it's been five years, (did I mention that?), and guess what? A week from today, he will be graduating from high school! We did it, he did it, we've survived! Next step? Glad you asked. We are waiting for a ship out date from the Navy. This could make things interesting, he may leave until next year, but at the very least...school is almost done for him. No more managing his schoolwork. No more last minute crazy things going on. Live is good, his life is good, our lives are good. It's been almost five years, and we are ok.

Oooh, people make my Ass Twitch

2010-02-27T19:21:00.003-05:00

I am angry. I am so angry that if one of the people that is causing my anger were to stumble across my path...well, it wouldn't be pretty.

You may or may not know that we have guardianship of The Nephew. The Nephew, while the cause of exasperation on a regular basis, is a good kid. He is hopefully graduating this year. He is not ready for College. We've tried, he's tried, but it's not going to happen. So plan B is to audition to be a musician in the Navy. A noble thing for him to try He should be able to make it in as a musician. And we will be very proud of him and grateful for the opportunities that will lie ahead for him.

Why am I angry? Because his idiot relatives are now feeling like they could have done better by him than we did. That he is conceited, and self important. I ask you, what teenager isn't? That somehow we have failed him. I am angry because these people have been absent these past 5 years. I am angry because these people didn't even offer to help when he needed help. I am angry because these people suck. I am angry because I should not have to defend our lives. I should not have to defend this young man who is a holy hot mess because of these people. I am angry because we have done everything that we could have done, and these people think they could do it better.

Where were you? Who do you think you are? You have no right to an opinion at this point. Man am I angry.

Zen in 2010

2010-01-05T08:00:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year. Can you feel it? Big changes are ahead. I hope you all had nice holidays and are greeting this new year with happiness and optimism. Incredibly short post this am, but it's a start.

Another Twist of Fate

2009-07-29T07:30:00.002-04:00

Another strange and sad turn occurred on the 26th. My Brother-in-law's long time friend took his own life along with his brother. Life can be strange sometime. Turn around and hug the person sitting next to you.

Four Years

2009-07-26T13:40:00.004-04:00

Thing 1: " Is today July 26?". Thing 2: "Yes". Today is July 26, 2009. Four years ago today, on a hot, muggy July day, I buried my father. It's been four very long years. I'm not saying that they've been bad years, but they just feel long. When I look at the boys, it seems like time has flown by. They are 8 and 9 now, when did that happen? But when I think of the last time I saw my father, when I realize it was only four years ago, I can't help but think that it's been more like ten or fifteen years. Why is that? Why is it that happy, fun things seem to zip by in the blink of an eye, but those moments that hurt they seem to take forever to move away from. Some very special people remembered the day he passed and got in touch with me, they just remembered and let me know they were thinking of me. How lucky am I to have people like that in my life. I didn't have to post it and go looking for them. They came to me.

In a circle of life kind of moment, today is my brother and sister in-law's 6th wedding anniversary. It was also the bridal shower for my cousin. Had my Mom still been here, she would have been there with me. It just occurred to me, actually, that every girl sitting at that table had her mother sitting at the table with us. How about that. It also would have been my Mom's birthday today. Doc and I recently went to an anniversary party for my cousin's parents. Her mom was my Mom's first cousin. It was the first function I had been to that my parents should have attended. That was harder than I thought it was going to be. Life goes on though. We keep loved ones in our hearts, and meet new people and make new memories. If you are missing someone today, embrace his or her memory and look to make new memories with the people who surround you.

We Now Return to the Regularly Scheduled Programming

2009-07-26T08:45:00.003-04:00

Okay, so I will no longer be writing about my running here. I started another blog dedicated to that. So now we go back to your regular programming. As soon as I get back from my cousin's bridal shower. Happy Sunday to ya!!

How's the running going?

2009-07-10T15:46:00.005-04:00

Oh I am so glad you asked. It's at a standstill for the moment, work and a cold got in the way this week, but on any given day I can give a thousand excuses for not running. I am envious of the people that can say, I'm gonna start running, and by God they do and do it very well. I am considering going out on my own just to prove to myself that I can do it on my own. It's such a mental sport. If you can't get out of your brain, you aren't going to make it. And I'm all up in my brain, so it's hard and I have zero ambition to push myself. I have a hard time with my breathing right now and I can slow down to get myself back together, but you know what, it sucks seeing everyone pull so far away from me. Waaaaah, I know, poor me. Let's get the violins out. So I will buck up and push through my little slump. When I look at the fact that never in 36 years, did I ever really try to run, I'm doing ok. When I look at it realistically, I'm really am doing great. One thing you can be you never have to worry about with me, is over training. I tend to err on the side of not training, which makes training a little difficult. I did run/walk another race in addition to our Gaspee Day 5k (34:39, thank you very much). A four mile one (48:30, ouch)....it was a beautiful day out, I started and finished the race, so all is well.

I guess I can see how people get into marathons. This is how I see it happening. You run a 5k, and then a four mile race comes up, if you can do 3.1, you can do four, right? Then you see a 10k, well if you did 4 then how hard is it to do 6? Then you see a 10 mile, then a half marathon and so on. I can see how it can happen, though I don't see it biting me in that way. I'll do what I can when I can. I'll set goals and do my best to reach them. I'll call myself crazy every time I run, and feel happy when the run is over. I'll do it because I tend to quit, and dammit, I need to finish what I start for once. I think I need to put Stewart Smalley on my ipod. "You're good enough, you're fast enough, and doggone it, you can run!"

New Camera

2009-07-10T15:41:00.004-04:00

So I got a new camera. Nothing fancy just a huge step up from what we had and I am love, love, LOVING it! So I will be sharing some photos here along the way.

Turbo and his new buddy
A bee on lavender
A little bug on a daylily
The handsome Turbo and JJ

The Summer that Almost Isn't

2009-07-02T21:20:00.003-04:00

It's July, did you know that? It doesn't really seem like it. We usually skip Spring and kind of jump right into summer, but it seems that we may just move from Spring into Fall this year. It's very gloomy, and I suppose this is what Seattle is like, but I don't know, and if I'm wrong, don't get all sensitive and correct my weather assumptions, it's just what I'm thinking. Someday I'll make it to Seattle and see whether I am wrong or right on this. Anyway, it's gloomy, but maybe finding a silver lining is the way to get through this. We don't have a drought up here right now. I remember seeing news reports about the drought in Georgia last year. They had water access one hour a day. One hour a day. My dishwasher runs longer than that. Can you imagine having water for one hour. How do you prioritize the use? Shower? Laundry? Dishes? Cook? So, I'll take the rain, because I'd rather have a few hours of sun and all the water I can use than have many bright sunny days and no water to use. A few years ago I may have felt differently, but we're fortunate that this is the problem, and not something much more atrocious.

Thing 2 feels a bit differently. Summer storms are not his forte. We've seen quite the increase in his anxiety and the past two days have been pretty rough on him. Despite the pandemonium he creates when we have a thunder storms, I do still love them. Maybe someday he will too. I remember hating them when I was young, so maybe he'll grow out of his fear. I hope so, because they can be relaxing if you let them be.

So keep your wits about ye...brighter days are ahead. And hopefully no lack of water in our supplies.

Ahhhh, teenage boys

2009-05-28T17:05:00.003-04:00

So I am finally getting used to having a teenage boy after 4 years of it. Maybe it's only because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I seem to be getting used to it. I don't think I'll ever get used to the lack of a clue he seems to exhibit. It's the grade report that indicates he didn't hand in 4 assignments resulting in 4 big zeros and then the following statement...

"Huh, well I'm pretty confused myself as to how I have so many zeros".

Huh, pretty confused? Well, it seems to me that nothing was handed in, that may explain it. Maybe I'm oversimplifying though.

I don't know, but I'll tell you what, you are all invited to the party when we celebrate the potential for not hearing anything that stupid for about two years, until Thing 1 enters prepubescence and it starts all over again. Well, I guess it's better than teenage girls and the belly shirts.

Do People Actually Enjoy This

2009-05-20T09:30:00.002-04:00

Almost a year ago, I decided to start taking Tae Kwon Do. It is very challenging, but I love it. There are times when I hurt for a week after class, and times when it's not so hard, but it's teaching me a lot about myself and inner strength and all that kind of crap, so I like it. As you move through the ranks in Tae Kwon Do you earn different color belts, and each belt requires something different. In the future, running will be required for two of my tests. A three mile for one, and for the Black belt a 6 mile. Now, I hate running. If you ask if there is anything I am bad at, it's most sports and running. I usually can physically do it, it's the endurance, the control of breathing that kills me. Once in a while I'll get a day where everything goes wrong, other times it's fabulous. Every time I start I think "who could possibly enjoy this?", when I see people running I think, "You are crazy, why are you doing that?", and yet here I am, trying like a nut to get myself to be a runner.

It started in January when Macy Lady and I decided that we were going to run.

"we need to do something more"

"yes, yes we do. let's run"

"genius! Let's do it".

I wanted to run to prepare for TKD, Macy for the sport of it. We started the couch potato to 5k running program. As luck would have it, another group of people were doing the same thing and their fearless leader was an old friend of mine, The Pilot. The Pilot is one of those crazy runners who actually likes it and has completed a few marathons. He is very good at being an inspiration and challenging us to do better and more each time. I have gone from dreading 90 seconds of running to dreading three miles of running, which is amazing to me.

Every minute of a run is challenging to me. My knees hurt for the first few minutes, my muscles scream at me, but when I can get past that, I fall into a groove in which I just concentrate on keeping my breathing under control. Today was not one of those days. Today, in all honesty, sucked and it sucked hard. I have run our local 5 k route and finished without walking any of it. Today, our group, the Spud Butts, was going to hit it again, and I was psyched. I felt I may be in trouble when I stepped outside and it felt a little too chilly. I did yoga this am to get a good stretch before the run, but the one piece I consistently ignore is a little warm up run before the run. I firmly believe that if I start doing that, life will be better for my inner runner. I just can't seem to leave myself enough time though and I basically started cold, again. Usually I can tough through the initial discomfort ( The Pilot running alongside me saying "suck it up!" always helps too) but it just wasn't happening and as I was compensating for this pain and that pain, every muscle in my lower body started screaming at me to stop. I'm looking at the people in front of me and thinking I can do this, and my limp starts feeling more pronounced, and I see the hill and I think, "aahhhhh...fuck it", and I started walking. That was it...I watched the Butts get further and further away and I turned around with my tail between my legs and walked back to the finish line. I was fighting back tears a little, but I don't feel like I totally gave up, I feel like I prevented injury, yup that's the way I am looking at it, ot I may start crying about it. I am hoping to try it again later today when it's warmer. I think my knees do not enjoy the cold temperatures, and when I went to the Good Dr. Chiro he found that my ankle and my pelvis were all sorts of off kilter which he felt would explain much of the discomfort. So I am going to hold myself to my promise to try to run again later today. Whether it's the full route or a modified version, I need to try.

Though I hate running, and I really do, I see and feel its value. I admire people who just love running, who just go do it and have nary an issue. I can't imagine that will ever be me, but at least I am trying. So I am finding some quotes to keep in mind when I want to stop, apparently I'm not the only one who has discomfort.

Top results are reached only through pain. But eventually you like this pain. You'll find the more difficulties you have on the way, the more you will enjoy your success."
- Juha "the Curel Vaatainen

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"
- Peter Maher, Irish-Canadian Olympian and sub-2:12 marathoner

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."
- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General and 1912 Olympian

"Once you're beat mentally, you might was well not even go to the starting line."
-Todd Williams

"The body does not want you to do this. As you run, it tells you to stop but the mind must be strong. You always go too far for your body. You must handle the pain with strategy...It is not age; it is not diet. It is the will to succeed."
- Jacqueline Gareau, 1980 Boston Marathon champ

“If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail.”

The five S's of sports training are: Stamina, Speed, Strength, Skill and Spirit;
but the greatest of these is Spirit.
--Ken Doherty

untitled

2009-05-06T08:38:00.005-04:00

It started about 7:30 last Friday. My friend called, "Don't panic, but a boy was hit by a bus up at the high school, he may have been killed". She's telling me this because it's the school that The Nephew goes to, and on the right day, under the right circumstances, it could have been him. But not Friday. No, on Friday he was going to New York with the band, and he gets a ride daily from a neighbor, so I wasn't concerned that it was him. It bothered me, and brought me to tears many times that morning that someone had lost a life.

As the morning went on and the story unfolded, the facts about the accident trickled out. The ultimate truth is that someone's beautiful baby girl was killed at 7:05 am, in what can only be described as a freak accident. A 15 year old girl, bright, thoughtful, a second degree brown belt, an accomplished young girl with hopes and dream was stripped of her future. A family was shattered, a bus driver is shattered. Her family will never forget their beautiful girl, and will spend every day for the rest of their lives thinking of what they are doing that day that she will never get to do again. That bus driver will spend every day for the rest of her life seeing the aftermath of that accident, as will the 20 children that were on that bus.

Today is the funeral. I am taking The Nephew because he knew the young girl who died. I have no business going. I didn't know her. But I cannot let him go to this without an adult to make sure he is ok, so I am making it my business. The family was smart. The burial is private. They need and deserve that. Most of us are allowed to deal with tragedy privately. This family's played out in the media and text messages and awful posts on news webpages. The wake was long and I am sure unbearable. It took us three hours to get to the family and pay our respects. And when we left, the line was as long as when we queued up.

I couldn't help but think as we were leaving, how do they go on from here? How do they go back to work? How does the sister go back to school? They changed the bus routes going to school and even put a counselor on the bus. It's a tragedy of immeasurable proportions. Much as I have always said that everything happens for a reason, I am having a very hard time holding on to that right now.

Join with me and pray that this family and the driver and the kids who have been hit by this find a way through this. That they can move through it, absorb and move through it. This is not something that is something to get over. It will always be there for these people. Pray that this young lady is an angel for her sister and that her sister finds a positive path through this. It's so unfair and awful, but it is.

Revisiting my Freak Flag

2009-04-11T19:13:00.004-04:00

Diosa had a birthday party for trouble today. It was at an indoor pool with a lot of kids and it was a very good time. I had one issue though, and I was very happy that I didn't have my bathing suit with me today.

One of the Moms had hair down to her waist. You all know how I feel about that, right? Right before she got into the pool she took her elastic out, let it all down and climbed in. What?! You are actually supposed to put your hair up before you go in. So all I can imagine as I sit there watching everyone is these long strands of hair floating around and getting stuck on people. Oh the humanity!!! Oh my gag reflex! Now it's time for everyone to go to the party room for pizza and fun. Here comes Lady Godiva with all of her very wet, very long hair hanging down. Now just to let you know, I don't know her at all, I didn't talk to her because I couldn't get close to all that hair, but she seemed like a very nice and lovely person. But she's wandering around the food with all of her hair swinging around. Stop it!! Get that hair up and out of the way. I want to sneak up and cut it off at her shoulders, she'd be very cute with a short little do. It's time for cake and she's standing a little to close to me with that hair so I have to move closer to the door to escape the hair, It's Diosa's chocolate cake after all, no freakin' hair is gonna get near my cake. Just to let you know, Curls has quite the beautiful head full of hair and I have no problem getting near her and food. Probably because it is incredibly curly and seems more restrained than what Lady Godiva had going on today.

I got to have my cake with no hair in it and I made it without getting too close to that crazy long hair. Man that's just not necessary. Ok, now I'll get my Flag out and hang it high up in the air yet again!!

A Conversation with Thing 2 Before Bed

2009-01-09T07:58:00.005-05:00

As Thing 2 and I are relaxing, waiting for Doc and Thing 1 to finish reading, he starts this conversation.

T: Mom, are you gonna die?

M: Some day...but not for a long time

T: (eyes well up and the chin starts quivering) But you can't die.

M: It won't happen for a long time, and even when it does happen, I will always be with you.

big hug

T: Mom, does a camel have hooves?

M: Yes, a camel does have hooves

T: blathering on about camels and then...

T: Mom, do you know the day Boompa died?

M: Yes (tears welling up on me now), yes I do remember.

T: (tears again) Why did Boompa die?

M ( I blather on about being old and tired and God needing him)

T: And now he's gone forever (crying) But he's in my heart! Boompa's in my heart!

M (trying to hold it together) Yes, Boompa is in your heart, he'll be there forever.

T: Mom, what's the plural of ox?

And thus ends the roller coaster of a conversation before bed time. The most ironic thing, is that I have been missing my father a lot lately, and right before Thing 2 brought dying up, I was thinking about how much my father would have loved helping Thing2. What with all of his issues and how friggin funny he is. My father was so kind and patient. So once again, Boompa comes to me through Brian to remind me that he is here with me all the time. Just not necessarily the way I want him to be.

I Guess this is Why

2008-12-09T07:50:00.002-05:00

Since we've had the nephew we have often asked the question...WHY? Why are we the only ones who stepped up to take him, basically giving us no other choice? Why doesn't anyone else really help besides the Grandparents in Arizona. Why do these people complain that they don't hear from him, when, in our opinion, it is their responsibility to keep in touch. We've had some confusion as to fact that if people call and speak to us, we will speak back. Apparently they think that we can't talk because we only hear what they are saying through the Arizona people.

Three and a half years has allowed some healing and perspective, so this year we made sure that the Nephew called all of his pertinent family members on Thanksgiving. We haven't done that before, but it seemed to go well. The only person he didn't talk to was his local Grandmother, but he did leave a message. So that was that.

Now people are calling. A lot of calls over two days. Oh, and they aren't calling us, they are calling the Nephew. Why are they calling? Because some scumbag called the Nephew's local grandmother and told her that it was the Nephew, he was in Boston and needed $2500 sent to him ASAP. Stop and think about that. What would you do? Would you call the people who are supposed to be taking care of him and find out what's going on? Would you call anyone else to find out what's going on? He has been living with us for three and a half years. Do you think that we may have called his realtives if he disappeared. We are legally and morally responsible for him...what do you think we would have done? We would have been doing everything we could to find him, no stone unturned, if youwill. Well I'll tell you what the Grandmother did. She wired a thousand dollars to whoever was on the other end of the phone. I can tell you that it wasn't the Nephew, because he was here with us. I can tell you that they would have known that if anyone bothered to call and find out. I'm hoping it's because she is old and isn't thinking clearly. I'm hoping they don't think that we are that callous, that we would let him take off like that without talking to anyone about it.

I guess this is why we have him. We think a little more clearly than the other relatives in his life.

Sorry....

2008-12-07T17:54:00.004-05:00

...but I seem to have lost control of things again. And when Doc told me that JJ was a little peeved that nothing new has been posted here, I blushed a lovely shade of red and promised to get on it. So no excuses, it is what it is...let's just get into it.

Today was the first snowfall of the season and Turbo was a little more than surprised by it. I love animals in the snow for the first time. It's hysterical. I have had many cats over my lifetime, though none now thanks to the horrible allergies all the men in my life have (oops, I digress). One of my favorite snow memories is of two of our cats heading outside into the first huge snow of the year. The first cat, Tiger, was a petite little princess who stepped right onto the snow and delicately traipsed across the top as if nothing was going on. Then the second cat, Snap, went out. He was an old man, who looked like he was wearing a tuxedo, that adopted us in his old age. He was very fat and very slow. Poor Snap followed Tiger out the door and proceeded to drop through the snow so we could barely see him. He managed to make his way through it, but it was funny to watch how the different cats worked through it.

So we're a dog family now and I was looking forward to seeing Turbo hit the snow for the first time. When I woke up and saw the snow this morning I couldn't wait to hear Turbo whining to go out. I let him out with a treat like I usually do, took a couple of minutes to gather myself up, while he usually eats his treat, and then I went to the door to see what he was up to. I couldn't really see what he was up to, usually he's wandering around the yard by now when all of a sudden he comes flying out of nowhere spinning around and stops dead in his tracks to look at the door. As soon as he sees my face he hightails it towards me and flies in the house. Clearly no poop happened so a walk is in order.

Thing 1 and I suit up for the snow and head out with Turbo. Turbo takes the better part of our street to figure out how to work the snow. He sprints and stops, sprints and stops until we get to his usual first pit stop. He starts settling in and walking like usual, but I can tell he is a little thrown by the snow. Now that he has figured out that the snow is not some evil being out to torture him, he needs to figure out how to poop. I guess the cold on his feet is a little disconcerting because it took him a while to work the right stance for this. He had a few attempts before he really worked it out. I know that's a gross topic, but it was very amusing and now that my kids are too old to be really funny about stuff like that, I am forced to turn to the dog for this kind of entertainment.

Staying on the topic of Turbo, we have just put the finishing touches on our Christmas decorations. We had to stop before we were done. Why, you ask, why wouldn't you finish putting all of your decorations out? Turbo is why. He has been excellent with the tree, and all of lights and frivolity so far. But not everything was put out. This afternoon we pulled the last boxes out and put the stockings up, the nativity out, the book on the bookshelves and the stuffed abominable snowman (Bumble) from Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. We have all of the stuffies, but the Bumble got separated, so he is the first to get put out. Thing 1 placed him where we usually out our collection and we sat down to eat dinner. After dinner Thing 1 had a funny book on tape that he wanted me to listen to, so we went down to listen to it. Doc was watching football but allowed us to listen. Turbo now likes to hang out with Doc downstairs, so there he was just lying there doing what Turbo does best, nothing. I look at the book, and out of the corner of my eye I see Turbo cross the room and return. Out of the corner of my eye I now see Turbo flinging something around, what is it? Can you guess? Of course it's the poor Bumble. None of the other stuffed characters will see the light of Christmas this year, lest Turbo have a collection that would make all other Greyhounds go weak with envy.

So that's it. Just trying to get myself back into the groove. Have fun prepping for the Holiday of your choice. Life is good! Live it well.

Seriously?

2008-10-14T18:24:00.004-04:00

I received a Williams Sonoma Catolog today. I saw it and thought to myself...ooh fun, let's look through that. I can spend frivolously with the best of them, but I have been toning it down quite a bit, what with the economy and having little extra money and not wanting to work any more than I do. I do like looking at nice things and realizing I don't need them. I like the power of not spending money, but sometimes I like new stuff more.

But this catalog brought one word to mind.

"Seriously"

Who spends this kind of money?

Ruffoni Hammered Copper Stockpot with Acorn Knob

Internet/Catalog Only

Available in your choice of three sizes, this versatile stockpot is a culinary work of art. It starts with a single sheet of copper that is hand hammered into shape at the Ruffoni family’s workshop in Alpine Italy, then finished by hand with a traditional tin lining and brass loop handles. The lid’s distinctive acorn-and-oak-leaf knob is hand cast in brass. The copper transfers heat quickly, so soups and stock cook evenly, and the durable lining won’t react with acidic ingredients. Engraved with a monogram, the pot makes an elegant addition to any cookware collection. Hand-wash. Made in Italy. A Williams-Sonoma exclusive.

Monogrammed, 13 1/4-Qt.
New Exclusive Internet/Catalog Only

$419.00

Seriously? I'll get one at job lot for $15, thank you very much.

A Small Victory

2008-10-04T11:18:00.002-04:00

An update on the pilfering front. Turbo has succeeded in obtaining a small Bear in the Big Blue House from the nephew's room. I tried to retrieve it, but Turbo is having none of it, snatching it from my grasp every time. Some things are just meant to be.

Turbo the Wonder Thief

2008-09-27T21:45:00.002-04:00

My dog is in love with Bear in the Big Blue House AND he is a thief. How do I know this? Well, he has 4 stuffed animals that he has stolen from the nephew (he has also taken shirts and hats from him, but those have since been returned). Turbo is no Alpha dog, so I think he is creating a pack he can command from inanimate animals. He has 2 Teddy bears, a fox and a raccoon from the nephew. He also has a squirrel and a stuffed bone that we gave him. He now has RJ from Over the Hedge thanks to Thing 1 feeling a bit of compassion.

What does he want most though? What makes his heart go pitter pat? Well I think it's Bear in the Big Blue House. I am pretty sure of this because he has repeatedly taken Bear from Thing 2's bed. Thing 2 is not willing to share so Bear goes back on his bed. I am seriously trying to convince my son that the right thing to do is give Bear to Turbo. Why? I think it's because Turbo is pretty apathetic about life, so now that he has found something worth stealing repeatedly, I think he should have it. (This is similar to when Thing 2 all of a sudden wanted to wear a specific shirt every day and night, so I went out and bought him three of them. He didn't care about anything except that shirt and dammit, I was going to let him wear it.) Thing 2 is having none of it though, and so I am now on the search for a Bear in the Big Blue House stuffed animal to make my dog happy. I found one on Ebay for $6.00. But the shipping was almost $9.00, which makes it more than I spent on the first one. Since I refuse to become crazy dog lady (though it may be too late for that), I am going to stop looking, but if anyone has one that they can get rid of, you know who to call!

To sum up, my dog is a thief, I am doing my best to aid and abet, Thing 2 is inflexible and Thing 1 clearly loves his dog. Above and beyond any of this, I am very entertained by the fact that when we leave the house, Turbo is wandering around looking for friends and taking them at will. See, mostly he stays in his crate (which remains open at all times) or on his alternate bed(which is right next to the crate). So the fact that he musters the courage to go down the hall to search for his friend makes me smile. I love my dog, he fits in nicely with this family. A little isle of misfits have we.

An Update on Thing 2

2008-09-07T08:26:00.005-04:00

So here is the surgery update for Thing 2. He had Tubes placed on June 11. One has already fallen out, resulting in an ear infection. He will now have them placed, for the fifth time, on October 1st. He had his Eye surgery on August 7th. That seemed to go well, though his eye is still turning in. Seriously, I am writing the prenup myself, no vasectomy!!

Back into the Swing

2008-09-07T07:32:00.005-04:00

So I guess I took most of the summer off from the blog. I find it hard to function when everyone is home for the summer. I totally lose my routine, and now that I think of it, I don't know that I ever had it together last school year, but this year will be different, I say with mild enthusiasm.

The big thing that helps the routine get in place is the dog. Turbo the Wonderdog as I like to call him. He has greatly helped me structure the school year morning routine. The Nephew needs to get up at 5:45, so I set the alarm for 5:30, let the pooch out, start laundry, check email and then rouse him for school. I finish taking care of some stuff and the pooch and I are off and running. Well, walking... well, strolling mostly because he stops a lot. When we get home the dance continues with getting the boys up to watch a show at 6:30 so thing 2 can get some eye patching time in without screaming and crying. Breakfast and dressing happens after that, then piano homework (I know, but it actually works for us) then relax till we get them off to school. Somewhere in there I have showered, dressed and had breakfast. It is working and it doesn't feel as crazy as it sounds. It wasn't so efficient over the summer, I got up and got the dog out for a walk, then I would sit and putter online. Clearly nothing productive, or you may have seen many more posts. But, hey, that's what summers are for.

The Dog added a new element in the beginning of the summer. He is a greyhound and came right from the track, so we had quite a bit of teaching to do with him. Though he was mostly house trained, we had to teach him how to go up and down the stairs. I don't think I have ever sweated so much in my life. It's taking a while for him to settle in. At first he was rooing at 4:00 in the morning. We got him to sleep in our room for a while, but apparently the ceiling fan offended him, and he refuses to even step into our room now. He is very skittish and seems to only really like me. He really doesn't eat consistently. He is kind of miserable and happy at the same time. He is the sweetest little boy though and I love him. So, we are taking him to dog training today to figure out how to get him happier. What I think is coming, is another greyhound. I keep hearing that people get a second because the first is so lonely. I am trying to avoid that. It's kind of like having a newborn when you bring the dog home. I didn't like the fatigue with either of the babies, and I didn't like it with the dog. But....if another dog would make Turbo happy, well, maybe.....I don't know. I am going to give it a little more time, and if he is just miserable, maybe we will have the pitter patter of big furry feet once again added to the house.

Another distraction has been Facebook, if you are on it, you need no further explanation. If you aren't on it, well go sign up and then you will understand.

Now, though I am feeling a little more in control. I give a lot of the control over to Doc during the summer. He is home with the kids during the day, and I still work part time, so the routine falls on him. I follow what's going on and kind of get lost in the process. You would think that after doing this for so many years, I'd have the hang of it. Now that I think back though. this was probably the first summer that I have worked so much since having the kids. Let's travel back.

2000: Have baby in June, get the summer off.
2001: Have baby in June, get the summer off. (yes, I know, wow! they are only a year apart)
2002: Working part time, living with parents to help with their health...not running the house on my own
2003: Ditto
2004: First summer in our own house...Working very part time, Very good routine.
2005: Working much more, feeling stressed...Dad died in July. Stopped working at all, moved back into parents house ....no routine what so ever
2006: Not working...excellent summer
2007: Working, but very part time...good routine
2008: Working more, Doc is working more, no real routine...

ah ha! It's because I haven't done this for real yet...that's why it felt so out of sorts. When I look at it like that, I don't feel quite as incompetent. Now I am ready for next year...hey maybe we should get two more dogs!!!!!!!!!!! No just kidding.

I have a lot of posts brewing, so I hopefully am back on the wagon here. Happy late summer and back to school time to everyone. May your routines go as smooth as possible.

A Quote again

2008-08-10T10:53:00.003-04:00

"People work too hard to figure out the meaning of their lives. Why me, why now. The truth is, sometimes things don't happen to you for a reason. Sometimes it's about just being in the right place at the right time for someone else."

A Second Glance

Jodi Picoult

The new Beautiful Boy

2008-08-04T07:32:00.002-04:00

Yesterday a new little life came into the world. My brother in law and sister in law had a beautiful baby boy at 5:51 yesterday. We got to see him hours after he came into this world. He is small and pink and perfect in every way. I am going to have to work a screen name for him. I have to get to know him before I can give him something truly spectacular. He really is just perfect and I can't wait to get to know him.

A Quote to Enjoy

2008-07-28T08:58:00.003-04:00

"'We gotta rescue this horse,' Lula said. 'I can't take a chance on crappin' up my karma now that I'm gonna be a supermodel.'

'What's with all this feng shui and karma stuff?' Connie asked Lula.

'I got my horoscope done, and it said I needed to be more spiritual. I looked into being Catholic and it sounded like a real pain in the ass, so I'm going with Asian shit.' "

Plum Lucky Janet Evanovich

Getting my Freak Flag up There as High as I Can

2008-07-17T05:36:00.008-04:00

So I have a little issue. If I used it properly I could invent an interesting diet. The Never Eat What You Love Again Because the Mere Thought of it Will Make You Gag Diet. It an interesting concept.

Here is what happens. Last week I decided to make Chili. I bought special lean meat, chopped everything just so. Lovingly added spices, even used beer to deglaze the pan...this was going to be the best chili ever made. I made some rice to go with it. It took about an hour for me to make everything. Man did the house smell good. I put some rice in a bowl, and piled some Chili on top for Doc. I put some rice in a bowl and put some chili on top for me. As I turned to put the bowl on the table (oh, I am gagging already and we are a week past this), I saw it. Sitting there nestled in the top of the chili. Not a finger, not a bug, not a piece of dog fur. It's not a bandaid, or dog food, or anything that would make anyone else stop in their tracks. Nope, it was one lonely piece of my own hair. It could have fallen in while I was spooning the chili. It could have fallen in while I was cooking. It doesn't matter. It was there and that was it. The gag started and I put the bowl down on the counter. I sat at the table and watched everyone eat their dinners while I fought back the urge to run to the bathroom and hurl.

I never ate any of the chili. It was up to Doc and the Nephew to consume it over the next few days. I may not eat chili for quite some time, which is a shame because I love chili. Other foods I can't eat anymore? Cinnamon Raisin Bagels with butter, and Oatmeal with raisins. It's much much worse if the hair actually makes it into my mouth. I actually saw a hair on the outside of a bowl of watermelon salsa and had to look away as Doc removed it. It took me about 10 minutes to start trying to eat it again.

So, it could be a very effective diet. I really could eliminate anything fatty and delicious just by putting a piece of my hair near it. God help me if I am at someone else's house and it happens from someone else's hair. I may not eat anything for a week. Who am I kidding? I can't go an hour without eating.

As I sit here writing this, I am gagging left and right. It will probably be an hour or so before I can get myself to have breakfast now. Flying the flag high and proud.

A bed fit for a mouse....

2008-07-03T10:09:00.005-04:00

Have you ever had the perfect thing to say, at the perfect time and actually said it? Once in a blue moon this happens to me. Usually I spend the next two days thinking of the perfect thing to say, which would have been witty and funny and made everyone laugh. But, once in a while, I can pull them out.

This goes back a few years, but it makes me laugh every time I think of it, so you are fortunate to have me share it with you.

Island Girl and I were visiting a friend who had an apartment with her sister. Her boyfriend came to visit and ended up moving in with them. When Island Girl and I visited our friend...I have no idea what to call her, so she shall just be Friend, we received the grand tour. During the grand tour, I noticed that Friend had only a twin bed in her room. I asked her, out of curiosity, where the Jerk (because that is what he turned out to be) slept, did he sleep on the couch?

Friend "No, he sleeps with me"
Me "How does that work?"
Friend "Oh it's fine, I sleep on the right side of the bed"
Me "FRIEND! Are you kidding? The whole thing is the right side of the bed! How is that comfortable?"
Friend "Oh, it's fine"
ME "Ok....(whatever)"

I am pretty sure Island Girl had a choice comment as well. I think of this all the time. I loved that I came up with that on the spot. It so rarely happens, and I don't think I hurt her feelings, it was just funny. There it is, hope you liked it.

Taking Time to Enjoy the View

2008-06-27T07:23:00.002-04:00

We have spent the past three years making this house our own. Our latest renovation is a new deck. We just had it put on this year. It is beautiful. We love it. We have a beautiful dining set, bar height on it. We love it. We show it off to everyone who comes over. Our grill is up there now. It's great.

Last night I had my good friend Island Girl over for some crafting and chatting. She hasn't seen a lot of our updates so I showed her around. We toured the deck and she loved it, everyone loves it. She asked if we eat every meal out there, if she had this deck she would be out here every day, at every meal. I looked at her and said no, and I have no good idea why. So this morning I am out on my deck having my coffee and breakfast. I even brought the laptop out to blog so I am not stuck inside blogging. It is beautiful. I have the birds, my ipod and the fresh morning air. It's gonna be a hot one today, and you know what? I spent a crapload of money on this deck, I am gonna be out here eating lunch too. Even if Doc won't come out. Doc eats on the deck pretty infrequently because he really doesn't like eating in the heat, and who can blame him. We have an umbrella which really only helps at high noon. His irish skin burns easily and his least favorite thing to do is bake in the sun. The future may hold an awning for our deck in it. That would give Doc more shade out here.

Last year our favorite addition to the house was central air. That is a luxury that we have definitely not taken for granted. I thank God every hot sticky day that we were able to provide that for ourselves. I have taken the deck and all it offers for granted, and I won't do that anymore. You may be thinking, geez it's just a deck. But really it's not, when we worked so hard to pay for it, and had to pay extra to fully demolish the old one we had hoped to rehab. It is another sign that the house is ours. My mother's crazy notions of form over function are slowly being ripped away. And that's a good thing.

Life certainly is too short. Enjoy your little luxuries that may seem like nothing. All it takes is someone elses perspective to show you how lucky you really are.

Thanks Island Girl!

Thunder, Lightning and Anxiety...Oh My

2008-06-26T06:54:00.005-04:00

On Tuesday we had some pretty crazy weather come through the area. We had storms alternating with beautiful blue skies. I worked most of the day and Doc was home. The things were in camp. Doc picked Thing 2 up early because he had a therapist coming to the house to work with him. As I was driving home from work at about 2:00, it started pouring. Thing 2 doesn't do well with thunder and lightening so I was a little concerned, but Doc was with him and the therapists as well. As I get a couple of blocks away I notice the traffic lights are dark, which of course means an electrical outage in the area. Usually the electricity comes right back on, so it's not a big deal and we never make a big deal out of it when the lights go off, so I figured that wouldn't be a problem. When I arrived home, the lights are on, but Thing 2's face is a little puffy. Apparently he was holding on by a thread during the storm, but the electricity going off was a huge issue. "NOW I"LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE AGAIN!!!" Mind you it was 2:00, still pretty light out. But that's how Thing 2 works, in extremes.

The rest of the afternoon went fine. During the summer we go to the library every Tuesday night, they have a summer reading program and we really enjoy doing this with the kids, so it's assumed every year that we do this. This year an added wrinkle is that Thing 2 has bike group on Tuesdays as well. This would normally be fine. Add to the mix that Doc was taking a class, and will now probably be working every Tuesday night for the summer, to make some extra money, so it's just me and the Things, which, again, is nothing new, usually not a problem. But on this particular Tuesday, it was.

We had dinner and headed over to bike group. A group that is supposed to help us teach Thing 2 how to ride his 2 wheeler. He was excited until we got there. Then he was a bit unsure. He took a turn with one of the therapists, who , may I say, are amazing. Then it was my turn to take him around. He absolutely refused to do this with me. Thing 1 at this point is riding his bike all around having a great time. Getting no attention whatsoever, which seems to now be an issue with him, but that's another post. Anyway, T2 takes his turn again with a therapist, and she hands him off to me and I manage to get him around. At this point, he starts completely falling apart, but they get him around one more time before he decides he needs to get in to the car for a break. All of this happens in about 15 minutes.

This whole time I am watching the sky because a storm is rolling in and when I say rolling in I mean the clouds were literally rolling in. It looked like a scene from Independence Day. I could see the lightning in the clouds, but we couldn't really hear the thunder yet and it was still sunny. T2, mercifully, has been so distracted by being upset with the bike group, that he hasn't noticed the clouds yet. Thing 1 does notice and I shush him when he tries to talk about it (again, another post will be coming).

I manage to get T2 out of the car and and a therapist calms him from his bike related hysteria. He takes a couple more turns on the bike with both therapists and just as I am about to take one more turn with him, he sees it. He just happened to be facing in the direction of the cloud when lightening rippled through it. I have never heard such a scream come out of anyone in my life. I do a scoop and go. I get T2 in the car as he screams the whole way, "WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!! WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE". You and me both pal. T1 is doing his thing, very calm and fine with everything. I get the bikes in the car, stop trying to get T2 to take his helmet off and off we go to the library. There is no rain at this point.

As we drive I am noticing that the storm seems to be following us. I can see blue sky ahead, but the clouds are moving in on all sides. Yeah....this has cluster f*&k written all over it. I say to Thing1 that we may not be able to go to the library and the look on his face...well it was as if I told him his best friend had died. So I keep driving, dammit this kid needs us to do something for him, he is always doing stuff for T2. As I am driving I am calling my sisters-in-law to see if one of them can come meet me, maybe if someone can stay with T1 at the library I can just get T2 home and everything will be okay. Neither one is able to help. I consider who else I could call, but it's so crazy. I feel like a maniac trying to sort this out. I can't make a capital case out of this, T2 will just have to be okay. As we pull into the parking lot of the library it's start to sprinkle, okay no problem, as I park the car the heavens open up.

T2 starts up all over again, gets in my lap in the front seat, I am almost in tears and T1 is annoyed that we aren't getting out of the car. T2 is screaming "IT'S GOING TO FLOOD WE HAVE TO GET HOME!!!". T1 is yelling "wow look at the blacktop, it's all flooded". Thanks kid, thanks a lot. I send a text to Doc "This is a nightmare". The text I get back gives hope, "blue skies over RIC". That means the storm is a quick one.

We stay in the car and wait it out for 15 minutes. It's pouring, and I eventually get T2 to pretend we are in a waterfall, he starts noticing the lightning and thunder a little less. The sun comes out behind us, but it keeps raining on us. The rain starts to slow down and when we look out the driver's window there is a beautiful rainbow. Now the rain stops and the sun is out over us. We can still see the rainbow and the storm cloud, but the worst is over. So we go in the library and have a great time with the story teller. We get to meet Doc and the nephew for ice cream after too.

I was exhausted after. So was T2, and Doc, and T1 It was a very long day for all of us. I used to love summer thunder storms. I used to open the windows and just listen to them. Now we spend the entire time calming a screaming boy. I am pretty sure I will love them again some day, but for now, they just induce anxiety attacks all around.

You had to get the Crazy Dog...

2008-06-21T07:35:00.002-04:00

Yes, apparently I did. Not that he is a lunatic or tearing the house up, but our new housemate, Turbo the greyhound, is a little sensitive and picky. I can't seem to find a treat that he likes. He is afraid of the sliding glass door. He is afraid of everything. We have to stay out of the kitchen when he eats. But he now goes up and down the stairs like a champ.

We picked him up this past Monday from the kennel at Twin River. He is a sweet sweet boy. He is small for a male, which is fine, and he likes to lean up against people. Other than having a few adjustment issues, he is a perfect little boy.

Why did we get a dog? Honestly? I don't know. Maybe so someone in the house wouldn't talk back? Maybe so the boys could have the experience? I honestly don't know why, when I am not a fan of dogs, I all of a sudden wanted a dog. My dad had dogs growing up and I have had a real strong feeling over the past few weeks that we needed to get a dog. Maybe it's my dad pushing me in this direction. I do know that if he were here, he would love this little misfit, sweetheart of a dog. Turbo is a doll who is settling nicely into our house...though at this point, I think he is training us more than we are training him. If only I could find a treat he liked, maybe we could start training him a little.

The Life Cycle According to Thing 2

2008-06-14T07:41:00.006-04:00

First you're born
then you're a baby
then a kid
then an adult
then you're...dead

The End

My Limerick

2008-06-12T20:47:00.001-04:00

I entered the limerick contest on Looky Daddy here it is...I am mighty proud of myself.

At The Church Steak Fry

There once was a boy named Brian
The truth is what he was flyin'
Across the big group,
"Hey Dad I hafta Poop!"
About that he was not lyin'

Yet again

2008-06-03T07:35:00.004-04:00

The disaster du jour is.........drum roll please......a ~~potential~~ case of..............PINK EYE!

and let's add yet another set of ear infections woo hoooooo!

(do you even have to ask which thing it is? you do? ok, it's thing 2)

Ah ha

2008-06-02T19:13:00.002-04:00

It started about two months ago when Doc asked me if I was okay. "You seem sad or angry all the time". No, I am fine, yeah the house is a mess, and I can't seem to get myself to do the voice...or piano...or laundry....cleaning...or anything...but no, I am fine. I can't think of anything to blog about, that's why nothing really has been blogged about. In general, though I am happy with the life I have and grateful everyday for what I have, I feel blah. Now that I think about it, I am blah, something isn't right. Where did that mojo go? It seems to have disappeared again.

So it has taken a bit of time to figure it out, that perhaps maybe Doc's surgery and thyroid thing hit me harder than I thought. This is how I tend to rock things, I deal well in the moment, then get all kablooee after, without even realizing it. After my Dad died, I had a lot of anxiety about leaving the kids or Doc for any length of time. That started to get better, I could go out, go away for a weekend. Now it is not so much that I can't leave, but I think I don't like it when Doc leaves, and since he is gone a lot, to work, or school, I apparently am having a hard time pulling myself together. I used to enjoy the time with me and kids, I used to take advantage of the time and get a lot of things done...not so much now. But now that I see what is going on, now that I can put a finger on it, now I can try to find my mojo again. It's around here somewhere...maybe in that basket of laundry....would somebody come fold it please?

Why?

2008-06-01T17:42:00.001-04:00

Why is it that when Thing 2 is all quiet with a toy or book, Thing 1 wants it. It doesn't matter that he has 500 other things he could play or look at, he wants what Thing 2 has. Never in reverse. It is infuriating.

My Ear is all Wet

2008-05-21T07:46:00.003-04:00

The past month has consisted of ear infections that won't go away...horrible allergies that resulted in one boy vomiting and on steroids...another round of horrible allergies which has the other boy on steroids, but no vomiting (phew) and blew his perfect attendance for the year...twenty minute sessions of alternating saline spray and nose blowing (every twenty minutes)...and now...a possible perforation of an ear drum. How do we know that? Because Thing 2 came into the room this morning and announced..."I don't feel good, my ear is all wet"...son of a...

That's where I have been.

Wow

2008-04-24T08:11:00.002-04:00

So we have been having a few issues with the nephew lately. All of which stem from what we have diagnosed as "Stupid Teenage Boy Syndrome". I seriously think that this is a valid diagnosis, and results in me saying, more often than I would like, "You really need to get your head out of your ass".

Take this morning. The Nephew is going on a trip with his school band. Under our protest because his grades and fund raising efforts have been dismal. Though by the time we told the band director he wasn't going, we still owed over $500 because it was so late in the game, that we decided to just let him go and ban him him from all future trips. The only consolation is that he is gone for four days.

So last night he tells me that he has to be at school at 6:30 this morning. I decide that I am going to get us ahead of the game and get him up at 5:00 and get him there for 6:15. oooh, won't we be fantastically early. So this morning I am puttering around on the computer while he gets stuff together when at 6:10, the phone rings. Its the chorus director wondering where Joe is because he was supposed to be there at 5:30, they are LEAVING at 6:30. Oh are you kidding? I asked the band director to leave him in Baltimore please.

Is it just that he really didn't want to go on this trip. Is it that he is a complete idiot? Or is he so distracted by his ADD that his head isn't screwed on tight enough? This is just one very small incident. There are many many, more that happen on a daily basis. I am amazed by the constant state of frustration that I live in. He is a good boy, but for pete's sake, this is so aggravating. Any other people dealing with 15 year olds with STB syndrome? Because we could use a support group.

Just for fun

2008-04-12T14:45:00.004-04:00

If my life were a tv show...this would be the song at the beginning of the show. I especially enjoy the subtitles.

A Little Perspective Please

2008-04-05T14:05:00.011-04:00

As I sat and debated whether or not to post a blog about the latest shenanigans in our PTA, I looked through today's paper, and saw that a friend of mine from a few years ago was in the paper. She had moved to PA and we lost touch but I have thought of her often because when I knew her, I really liked her. She was just a really nice person and so are her husband and three girls.

I saw in today's paper that Becky Machinski and her husband Mike will be on Oprah's Big Give tomorrow night. She had thyroid cancer and is fine now, but her husband has very serious cancer, if I am reading the story right. So I thought I would just direct you to her business page, Hope Creations, so that you can find out about her and her amazing family, and maybe make a purchase to help support a family that really deserves nothing but the best. Here is another blog that also mentions their situation.

There are better things to care about than what I was going to post about. Please look at all of the sites.

Unicorn Wings

2008-03-31T13:11:00.005-04:00

Thing 2 is our younger son. He is 6 years old and was recently diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, which is a high functioning form of autism. He can within the same minute, drive me to insanity and melt my heart. From the day he was born he has been a paradox to us. He was easy yet difficult at the same time. Our older son, Thing 1, has always been constant and predictable, much like Doc. Thing 2 has shaken our lives up a bit, and just as soon as the dust starts to settle, he'll shake it again. He keeps us on our toes, and constantly makes us laugh.

Thing 2 enjoys all things Dora, Pooh and Elmo. Part of his diagnosis means that he will always be socially less mature than kids his age. About 2/3 the social maturity. This means that he leans towards toys, shows and activities that a younger child (usually a girl) would like. This past year I have watched him struggle with his favorite things. When a scholastic book fair flyer came home, he decided that he should get a transformers books instead of a Dora book. While this is a good thing, it broke my heart because it showed that he knows he is different, and is trying to figure out how to fit in. He struggled to make that decision. The other day, however, when we went to buy a new DVD he chose Tigger and Pooh, while Thing 1 chose a transformers movie. They both enjoyed both movies. He is trying to find his identity, and it shows. He wants to belong, but often doesn't know how to make it happen.

One of my favorite choices that Thing 2 made happened last summer. We participate in a summer reading program at our local library. When the boys read for 6 weeks and turn in activity cards, they get to choose a book to keep. There was a cart full of books. Thing 1 agonized over the choices. 7 minutes at least went into searching and struggling with the choices. Thing 2 went to the cart, found a book, picked it up and that was that. "I want this one!!" " Are you sure, maybe there's another book you would like better." " No , I want this one, it's a good one". I laughed so hard when he picked this book, and while it looks really girly, it actually is a cute little story.

I had forgotten about this book until a few night ago. Thing 2 had me just about over the edge when he decided that he had to go to our huge book collection to get a book to read before bed. Usually he picks a quick thing to read from his room, but he had a mission. When he came back to me, he had this book, and my heart just melted. I don't take the time to appreciate my kids for who they are. But this made me stop and look at both of them and really appreciate how sweet they both are and how different they are. This stupid little girly book melts my heart, and of all the books they have, I don't think I will ever let them give this one away.

Smarmy

2008-03-20T06:46:00.005-04:00

I thought I would introduce you all to Smarmy. The reason Doc has his screen identity. Do you remember the great breaking of the leg incident? Go back and see it and then appreciate that our poor friend had to go to the emergency room in this condition. The nurse was very sorry that she had to cut the pants because she thought they were so nice. Nurse Ratchet is one lucky lady!! And just in case you were wondering. He finally had the pins removed from his ankle last week, and I saw him walking around quite well yesterday. Yay Smarmy!!

Do as I Say...

2008-03-10T19:13:00.002-04:00

We are constantly telling the boys, "don't say you can't, just try, you can do it if you try". Ummmm, Yeah, you know what? That's crazy sometimes. Try to make a model airplane from a stupidly detailed set of directions. I am going to say it....I CAN'T DO IT. I'll try, but for the love of everything nice and good, I cannot do it.

TA DA!

2008-03-06T10:34:00.009-05:00

The deed is officially done. The pit of despair is no longer. It is a beautiful sunny room that makes me smile when I look at it. It has big comfy furniture that we bought all by ourselves. Our first furniture purchase for us. Until today, most everything we have we either brought with us from our childhood homes, or had handed down to us. The boys beds are the only exception.

We are donating our very good condition, but not our style stuff to Salvation Army. Thing 1 was a little concerned that we may burn it and no one would get to use it. Where does he come up with this stuff?

What this does, in addition to making our home beautiful, is exorcise one of the final demons in our home. The recliner, in which my father was resting when he passed, is finally leaving the building. It has been the one thing that once in a while will catch my eye and bring me right back to 12:30 on July 21, 2005. And on that note, I ask you to make sure you have seen the pit of despair as it was, before you look at the new pictures.

Can you believe the difference?

I LOVE my couch!

Doc is perfectly aligned with the TV

The Piano and Doc's recliner

The recliner, it's very comfy. And no more yellow. The yellow may go in the room beyond the little hall once the Nephew has moved on with his life.

What's that on the baseboard? NOTHING!

And the best part? LOST is on tonight!!! We get to snuggle into our respective spots and enjoy our lovely new space!

Life is Good! Peace out!

Musical Theater?

2008-03-05T10:34:00.001-05:00

Okay, maybe I am not the most educated in musical theater, but.....

LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS in Camelot?

Really?

Seriously?

Do people really pay money to see that??

I Will Never Win Mother of the Year

2008-03-04T17:53:00.005-05:00

Sometimes my maternal instinct flies right out the window. Actually I am lucky if I have it at all. Actually my best friend's parents often say to me how shocked they are that I ever had kids and that I actually have any parenting skills at all. Which explains my reaction to the following situation.

I received 18 lemons from the Nephew's grandparents in Arizona. What do you do when life gives you lemons? That's right! You make lemonade, which I did. I was feeling very domestic, I have to say. I almost let Thing 1 help. I at least let him think he was helping. Again, no maternal instinct.

Anyway, if you know me, you know that I am kind of into Southern Living at Home stuff. I have 8 large and 2 small (I only have two because I have already broken the other two) Southern Sipper glasses. I love them. I had the pitcher, which I loved. It actually made me feel pretty to have that pitcher. I had it until I broke it. This, my friends, is all the evidence you need to argue that I really shouldn't have anything pretty.

Anyway, since I have this lovely homemade lemonade, I have to put it into one of the two small southern sipper glasses, not one the 20 plastic cups we have, nope, I put it into one of my precious glasses. Why? I have no idea, but I send Thing 1 into the Living room to give the glass to Doc. Why? I have no idea, but Thing 2 has been running around the house pretending to be a transformer. Why? Because he is crazy. As I am getting ready to clean up my mess I hear the sound of Thing 2 crashing into Thing 1 and, more importantly, the shattering of my glass on the floor. Here is where you should be proud of me, because it is usually at this point that some horrible swear word(s) come(s) flying out of my mouth. No, I managed to hold that back, but what I did do is yell "OH! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS NICE AND GOOD!", then I barked at Thing 2 to get out of the puddle and step away from the broken glass and then whimpered, "Oh, my glass!".

Yes, yes I realize that my precious boy's feet are much more important than the glass, but his feet are FINE, I really like these glasses, and now I only have ONE. unh. Doc ushers the boys into their rooms to get cleaned up and comes out and looks at me and says, "Man, that is old school parenting. Screw the kids, my damn glass is broken". Yup, I guess that pretty sums me up. Seriously. I guess I'm lucky I haven't broken them yet. Actually that's not quite true, but that's another post.

Woooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooo 2!!!!

2008-03-03T13:37:00.004-05:00

The furniture may be in this week. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update....IT"S COMING THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know it's bad when....

2008-03-01T19:05:00.002-05:00

....I am the voice of reason.

"Ladies,

I can't believe that on a Saturday afternoon, this is what I see when I open my mailbox up. Do we have anything better to do? It is stuff like this that stops people from wanting to do anything with the PTA. We are lucky to have people actually step up to do these things. I for one, would not want to be the treasurer, not would I want to be secretary or President for that matter. I think I have the easiest job in all of this. Honestly, all of this backstabbing and up front complaining will get this group nowhere. We are all trying to do our best but we can't get out of our own way. PLEASE stop it and let's try to finish this year on a good note. Everyone is getting hurt and insulted when all we want to do is work for the benefit of the kids. Look at how we are behaving, if you are doing your job and are proud of your work, keep it up. If you see yourself behaving in a way that would horrify you if you saw someone else doing it, then for the sake of everyone involved, stop it. Let's act like the adults we are, and do our jobs and let everyone else do theirs. This PTA is gong to dissolve into nothing if this doesn't stop. Maybe I don't know what I am talking about, but I think the actual issues are being lost in people egos. "

Ugh

Woo Hoooooooooooooooo!

2008-02-26T21:56:00.002-05:00

The painting is done, the carpet is in, but no pictures will be posted until the furniture arrives. It is no longer the pit of dispair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The PTA is evil

2008-02-26T09:18:00.004-05:00

So as I sit here waiting for the carpet guy to show up, I am thinking about how much I hate being involved in the PTA. I read about other PTA's working together and doing amazing things for their schools. Not ours. I don't mind the work or the time commitment, that's not it at all. I spend time with the choir, teaching CCD and helping with scouts and I love them all. The difference is the people. Everyone is nice (there I go qualifying, because that probably isn't really true), but it's like being in high school again. Which one has the best idea, and who can cut who down faster. In my other activities, no has any other agenda other than to get done what needs to be done. Some may argue against that in my other activities, but in those cases, I get to sit back and enjoy. No, in the PTA it's all up front and too personal. It really is quite disheartening and I can almost guarantee that I won't do this again. What is the worst part of this? Many of these people are going to be a peripheral part of my life for the next 12 years. Ugh. I have a select few that I love and will bend over backwards to anything for them. They know who they are. It's always been like that for me though. I can get along with people one on one, and then maybe in small groups, but get beyond that in a social situation out of my circle of friends, and I shrivel up and pray for it to be over. Oh well, June is fast approaching and then I can give a nice big F&*% you to the PTA.

Excerpts From a Meaningful Conversation

2008-02-12T07:04:00.002-05:00

This conversation between Doc and myself took place last night. It is just one example of the deep and meaningful discussions we have in this house:

L: That was a crazy commercial.
D: It's Swashbuckling.
L: Swashbuckling?
D: Swashbuckling!
L: You like Swashbuckling?
D: Swashbuckling is cool!
L: Do you want to learn to Swashbuckle?
D: There must be a Swashbuckling school around here where I can take a Swashbuckling class.
L: Huh. I think I need to put this conversation in my blog.

The end.

"Swashbuckler is a term that developed in the 16th century^[1] to describe rough, noisy and boastful swordsmen. It is based on a fighting style using a side-sword with a buckler in the off-hand, which was filled with much "swashing and making a noise on the buckler".^[2]

Today the term "swashbuckler" has changed, and refers to both a type of fictitious character and to a fiction genre, especially in the world of film."

swash·buck·le

(swshbkl, swôsh-)

intr.v. swash·buck·led, swash·buck·ling, swash·buck·les

To act as a swashbuckler, as in a movie or play.

Seriously?

2008-02-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's time for a story about the nephew. I love him, but he is, being a 15 year old boy, a huge pain in my ass. I'm on him a lot for little things that aggravate me, and I don't leave a lot of room for him to talk back and complain. That's the way I am rocking this living situation. I am very passive aggressive and I can admit that readily. See, I just did.

Anyway, we try to have dinner together on a regular basis, the whole family together. The Nephew is usually out at something for school, but when he is home, he eats with us. He is always done first. Always. When we are done eating each one of us is responsible for clearing our plates. Lately the Nephew has taken to clearing someone else's plate. Now, it would make sense if he cleared my plates because, to get to the dishwasher, he has to go right by me and when he is done, I am usually done, but just sitting at the table and chatting. In other words my plate is ready to hit the dishwasher when The Nephew is leaving the table.

Don't get all excited though, it's not me who gets the special treatment, it's Doc. Very consistently for the past month or so, The Nephew has cleared Doc's plates, then walked right by me and off into his own little world. One day this week, he even asked Doc if he was done, and when Doc said he wasn't done, he collected his plates and walked right by me, leaving my empty plate on the table.

To be perfectly honest, I am not the most observant person, so it took a few occasions for me to catch on to what was happening. At first I was pretty insulted, but now it's just entertaining. It's The Nephews way of digging at me without getting bitched at for talking back. That's okay, it's funny now that I see what is happening.

Here's a funny twist, though. Yesterday The Piano Man posted a blog with some movie quotes (we all know I love a good movie quote) and one of them was from Bruce Almighty. It goes like this:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" (God)

And this quote struck me, because patience is what I pray for all the time. So I decided this morning, I will take opportunities to be patient. As I finish drying my hair, I decide that today s the day. This morning is a new beginning for me and the Nephew. But wait, something is amiss and rainbows and lollipops are not in the cards today. While I walk upstairs to get ready for the day and wish the Nephew a grand morning and chat with him about his successes the day before, I hear Doc laying into him. Seems the boy lent his guitar to a friend yesterday. We have had this discussion about lending treasured items to people. He isn't supposed to do it. More importantly, this means that he will be unable to fulfill his commitment at church this morning. As I come into the kitchen, the nephew turns to me, waiting for me to jump on the band wagon. I say something about his decision making skills and then lamely ask him how his day was yesterday and tell him to just go back to bed.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. And I am sure that Doc's dishes will be swept away at our next family dinner, while I sit with a smile on my face waiting to clear my own place.

Varitek, the Time has Come!

2008-02-04T13:42:00.001-05:00

Okay, I am sorry that the Patriots did not win the Super Bowl. It is tragic and it sucks. But the end of the super bowl means something very exciting to me. It's time to move on to baseball. I am not by any stretch of the word, a sports fan. I kind of really hate sports, but they do serve a purpose to people. Physical fitness, entertainment and all that.

The only purpose for for sports, in my opinion, is Sox Baseball and Jason Varitek. You cannot tell me that he is not all that and a bag of chips. The man's work ethic is second to none. He has beautiful thighs and a very nice bum bum. So I share with you some pictures of the only reason to watch sports. Doc prays every season that Varitek stays with Boston, because if he goes, so does baseball.

Nice

Very suave.

Nice

Okay, this isn't Jason Varitek, it's Mike Lowell, the nicest guy in baseball. He's another reason to watch Red Sox baseball. Doesn't he look happy. We should all be that happy.

Varitek's bum and a happy Mike Lowell, the best of both worlds.

Varitek supporting Lowell, see they are so nice.

Today's the Day!!!

2008-02-02T07:41:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, today is the day, the sun is shining, it is 40 degrees already and the work on the pit of despair begins today. It is beginning with the installation of a bigger door so that we can actually get things in and out of the basement without taking chunks out of the door or furniture and then, a closet organizer is being put in so that we have place for all of our crap and then the priming begins. Today is the last day of brown everywhere. We ordered the carpet, we ordered new furniture, it is all coming together and I may actually cry I am so happy. Stay Tuned!

addendum...okay so just the door went in, but it sure is white and pretty. Next step is on Monday when the primer goes up. Whoo hoo.

Oh Mom

2008-02-01T07:48:00.000-05:00

In preparation for the grand remastering of the pit of despair, Doc and I began packing up everything on the bookshelves, all the toys and videos and generally making a mess of downstairs. If you have read my blog on organization, you know that I like to change things a lot. I am often moving things around. I change the boys room around a lot. I get bored easily with furniture arrangements

Thing 2 walked in from school and said "What are you doing NOW Moooom"? Yes, I am a horrible mother who will rearrange rooms and furniture at a moments notice, and my child is severely scarred because of it. Just so you know, Thing 1 barely noticed it.

A Nice Swift Kick in the Mojo

2008-01-23T14:33:00.000-05:00

Editor's note: this post takes place over a few weeks time. There are some histrionics which I have left in, because they are funny to go back and see. I also thinks it keeps it authentic and in the moment.

12/09/07

This won't be posted until well after everything is said and done, but I need to work things out in my brain. and it will run over a period of time, so this may be long.

Do you remember when I said I was getting my mojo back? Do you remember me saying that I was kind of afraid to do that, because maybe if I got too happy, something bad would happen? Do you also remember the post about Doc and when he gets sick, he gets really sick? Well two days after I posted that first post, we found quite the lump in Doc's neck. A trip to the doctor led to an ultrasound, blood work and a radioactive iodine scan. The blood work came back fine but a "cold nodule" was found on his thyroid. This is potentially cancer. It's really large and I am watching it grow before my eyes. I want to be positive and think that this is nothing, but I'm telling you, I have a really bad feeling about this. And hopefully that's a good thing, because usually when I fear the worst, the truth is nothing close to what I feared. There are a lot of things we don't know yet. We went to the Doctor on Friday afternoon and found out he has to go to a specialist, but because the appointment was so late in the day, it won't be until Monday that we know when his appointment is. The Doctor said he wouldn't be surprised if it is cancer, but that most cancers are easy to survive. In reading on the internet, yes slap me I know I shouldn't do that, in my mind, his nodule seems to fall into the category of the worst thyroid cancer, which is a terminal cancer. The nodule is very fast growing, and very large and I know, stop it right now because you don't know anything until you know something. I am sure it is benign, I am sure that we will laugh after this is over. See, I am prepared for the very worst, so when it's benign, it will be nothing but relief, right?

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It is absolute torture waiting to know something like this. It is crazy to get upset because if it is nothing then it was wasted energy. It is so hard to ignore it though. I look at Doc, and all I see is this lump in his neck. It is affecting the way he swallows, so every time he swallows I hear it and am reminded of the impending news. He has had this cough for over a month, which seems to have gotten a little better with antibiotics, but it is still there. Is it related? Who knows? What if it is related, what does that mean? This is so painful it is indescribable. And I can't really talk to Doc about it, he's carrying the damn thing around, what good is it for me to remind him of it, to worry him when every breath, every swallow is a reminder of the fact that it is there. He doesn't really like to talk about things anyway, he'll say to me as I go off wondering what this is and what we are going to do "let's not do this yet, let's just wait and see". And he is absolutely right. I am sure that horrible scenarios are running through his mind too. I have promised him, that I will not ask him to comfort me, throughout this, he will not be the one to console me. I will console him, I will comfort him, because who will really have the bigger loss? I will find comfort in God, because I am on the verge of being very angry with Him and He and I have some things to work out if this is a bad situation. I will find comfort and support in friends and family, but I will be damned to Hell if I make Doc comfort me.

I am also feeling like we need to be practical. This clearly is going to have to come out, cancer or not. How long will he be out of work? What happens to work, he gets sick time for the first job, but does he get TDI for the second job, the money that makes the ends meet? Do I need to pick up more hours at work, and then who takes care of him? Is Christmas going to suck? And then the questions beyond the surgery...can't even go there.

And what of this? Haven't we been through enough already? We have lost both my parents, sold a house that we loved, moved into a money pit and taken on a new child. But who am I to say when enough is enough. Why should my life be any easier than anyone else's. Somewhere in here is a lesson. I certainly look at Doc with more affection. I certainly appreciate every breath he is taking, and if this turns out to be nothing, I will appreciate every moment I have with him for the rest of our lives. I will take nothing for granted regardless of the outcome. I will not be given more than I can handle. I know that much. We have been through what felt like hell and came out okay. We can do it again. But it runs through my mind, and I quickly push the thoughts out. What if he is really sick? What is our boys won't have their father. How would I make this okay for them.

Maybe this is just a reality check. "Paying attention there, Lissfull? Are you loving Doc enough? Are you doing the right things. Do you care about the right things? Are you keeping things in perspective? Pay attention because one minute you have it, and the next you won't." I hope this is nothing. I hope at the end of this post that I can say "See, I worried for nothing". But I have a very bad feeling about this.

At best we are looking at surgery. This thing has to come out. Christmas is 15 days from when I am writing this. I am thinking that by the end of this week we will know something, maybe it will even be removed by Friday...but who knows? I think I need to open my eyes. I think everything will be okay regardless of the outcome. I think we are going to need help. I think this sucks. I think life sometimes isn't fair. I think we will be okay. I think my husband may be dying. I think that may be a little melodramatic. I think this is bullshit. I think this sucks. I think I need to wait and see what this is. I think this sucks.

12/10/07

So he has an appointment on Friday (four days from now) at which point they may or may not do a biopsy. Which means at LEAST another week of not knowing. At least another week. Come on, seriously, another whole week at least. Can I call the doctor and explain that I may go postal if I don't know what is going on, do you think they'll take him in sooner? I asked Doc to call and he did after I followed him around for 15 minutes and threatened to continue to do so until he made the call, and that is the earliest appointment that they have. This sucks. It SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND they may not even do the biopsy then, and if not then, then it will be at least the following week before he has it done. ARGH.

12/11/07

This still sucks. I constantly have this in the back of my mind, but it feels like such wasted energy because there is nothing we can do. We are in such a holding pattern. This lump, this possibility of cancer is like the white elephant in the room. Neither one of us can really talk to the other about it. We gloss over it, but what point is there talking about it until we know what it is. Can't get all sad if it's nothing. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I have shared this information with a couple of friends, and it seems foolish yet necessary to have done so. I need people to reassure me, yet why worry people if there is no cancer, or if it is the better cancer to have. Why put people in the same situation? Because I need another brain to help work through it. At least once a day I fall into "Why me, why us?" But, why not me? Why not us? Who are we that nothing bad should happen to us. Things like this happen to good people every day and there but for the grace of God, go I. It is what is is, and it will be whatever it is, and we will deal. But until we have answers, which I am sure will be nothing but rainbows and lollipops, we are in this holding pattern. I still think this sucks. Christmas is two weeks from today by the way. This sucks.

12/13/07

So I have been nice and occupied by a very good conference that I attended for the past two days, so not much time to think about it. But his appointment is first thing tomorrow so back to trying not to obsess, but kind of obsessing, but not really. It still sucks. Doc and I were talking at dinner tonight. He usually is a night owl, and he was saying that he just can't wait to go to bed, he is exhausted. He had to shovel snow, but not really enough to make him that tired. He says he was up late last night, but not any later than usual. So I ask him, "Think really hard. Have you ever been this tired before? Your work schedule has been the same for the last four years." His reply "No, I've never been this tired before. It started when I went back to school, I was fine over the summer." Doc's full time job is as a teacher, so he has summers off. So we see that this is not all of a sudden, he's felt like crap for a while, but just thought is was overworking and too many kids. I think it's cancer. But 3 out of 4 of the thyroid cancers are easily cured. 1 is not. And I know what it is called, so when the Doctor says it is one of the 3 good ones, I can sigh with relief. I think this still sucks. 12 days until Christmas.

12/14/07

Feeling a little better about this. My husband is very much going to stay on Earth with us (see, I knew I was being melodramatic). We went to the specialist today, who did take biopsies and scheduled surgery for January 3rd regardless of the results. He does say that cancer or no cancer, it's a win/win because Doc will be just fine regardless of cancer or no cancer. And if ti is cancer, there is no radiation or chemotherapy, only a dose of radioactive iodine and lifetime supply of synthroid. But it's probably not cancer because of a family history of thyroid problems. Phew. I did a little retail therapy in the form of Christmas Shopping so all is well right now. 10 business days until we get the results, which will determine whether just a portion of his thyroid or the whole enchilada comes out.

12/28/07

So the results of the biopsy are atypical, which may mean something or it could mean nothing. We may or may not find out if it means anything the day of the surgery, or we may have to wait until the follow up visit. At that point, if it turned out that nothing actually was something, he will have to go back in for a second surgery. If they thought the mass was nothing while they were operating, they will have taken out only the section of thyroid that the mass is attached to and a second surgery will be done to remove the entire thyroid. Yay, possibly two surgeries, yay. So, all we know is that at least half of Doc's thyroid will be gone a week from now. That's it. Boy is this a long drawn out process. Oh and the cough is just about gone now. And the measurement of the mass is 7-8 centimeters, this thing has it's own zip code, okay, sorry, melodramatic again. It is large though.

1/1/08

Happy New Year!

The surgery is two days from now. My house is a mess. I am constantly is a foggy state, not obsessing, but that little nagging, that little panic feeling is following me around everywhere, and I am looking for and fully accepting any distractions offered up to me. If I am worrying about someone else's stuff, my stuff fades into the background. It works for me. It keeps me calm and occupied. But housework really doesn't do it for me. I tend to clean better when I am angry, therefore, my house is a bit of a mess. I'll take care of it tomorrow. Ooh, tomorrow brings an appointment with Thing 2's eye doctor. we find out tomorrow if he has to have eye surgery again. His eye is crossing again, so we'll be walking out with an appointment for his surgery as well, I am sure. No melodrama, just past experience predicts surgery is necessary. This will be his 10th or 11th procedure. I'm telling you, when he gets married and they are all done having kids, (unless his wife has had more procedures than him), no one is giving that boy a vasectomy. Tubes tied all the way wifey, Thing 2 has has enough things cut open on him. Unless she can trump him, then I'll drive him myself.

1/3/08

Okay so first, Thing 2. No surgery yet, but for the next two months, he has to have his eye patched every minute he isn't in school. I'd rather do the surgery, which we will still get to do soon.

Now Doc. Today was the big day. We reported to the hospital at 12:00 and they were scheduled to start surgery at 1:40. They took him in precisely at sometime after 3:00. At this point, Doc hasn't eaten anything since the night before, so he's mildly grumpy and rightfully so. The Dr told me to go home, so I went to have coffee with a friend who very nicely distracted me (thank you!). I then picked the things up gave them lovely Wendy's meals and waited to hear from the Dr.

Three and a half hours after the surgery began, the doctor called (I did get nurse updates during the surgery which was only supposed to be two hours). He tells me that the whole thyroid came out because it looked suspicious as they went through the frozen slices that they do. So rather than have to go back in and do a second surgery if it was malignant, he removed it right then. Good, one issue resolved, no second surgery. We find out if it was malignant soon.

Doc's parents and I get to go see Doc at about 9:00. When I tell him that the whole thyroid is gone, he and his nurse say that no, only the left half is gone. Ahhhhhh, RI hopsital. So tomorrow we find out that I am right because I am the only one who spoke directly with the Dr. nyah, nyah.

Anyway, Doc looks good, he's in pain and he's hungry and so is still mildly grumpy, and again, rightfully so. The nurse gave him some morphine so our visit ended pretty abruptly. Though Doc is pretty entertaining on morphine. So now I am home and can't even really think about getting into bed without him. Usually when he is out working or away with friends, I am fine, but tonight that bed looks very big and very lonely and I am not down with it. So I'll wait till I am ready to collapse and then I still won't be able to sleep. Yay. But Doc is fine and will be fine and, despite feeling a little lonely and out of sorts, all is well in Lissfull-land.

1/7/08

Doc is looking much better. It was the entire thyroid that came out. The hospital kicked him out just 18 hours after he had his surgery. He was in a lot of pain and exhausted. He's doing much better today. He had been taking calcium pills because the parathyroid glands get bumped during the surgery he had, and the calcium in the body gets thrown off, but he seems to have shaken that problem, and no longer has to take the pills. He's tired, but moving around more. He is living on oatmeal, apple juice and soup with bread. His neck hurts, one because it was sliced open, but also because of the position they had it in during surgery. He is being a very good patient. He is very entertaining. Doc will fall fast asleep out of nowhere and wake up and say "ooh, I don't know where that nap came from", ummmm, maybe from the major surgery you just recently had =). He's funny. Now we just await the pathology results to see if it was indeed cancer causing the mass in the thyroid.

1/18/08

The results are in.......it was benign. Big sigh of relief and all is well. So Doc gets a nice five week vacation, a little time to himself and we all get to move on. No more calcium, he is up and at them just fine, he's the same old doc, and few ounces lighter.

And once again, Doc doesn't just get sick. He has major surgery and recovers with no repercussions. He has had enough attention for the next ten years, I think. Can't wait to see what craziness he comes up with next.

If I See You in Yankee Candle, I Will Have to Kill You

2008-01-14T16:08:00.000-05:00

I still hate Yankee Candle, and I will not be buying anything from there ever again. I have one poor person waiting to send out a Christmas present, yes look at your calendar, it's a bit late for that, but she has faith, faith that Yankee Candle may come through for her. She is waiting for some taper candles, so I sent an email out asking when they are going to ship, and this is the reply.

"Tapers no longer available. I have already requested a refund for both of these sellers. You should receive it within the next 2 weeks"

WOW, thanks for the proactive notice so my person can move on with her life. Oh my freaking God, I hate Yankee Candle. Really, I may have to clothesline anyone I know who walks into Yankee Candle. I'm tough you know. I can do it.

The Pit of Despair is Getting a Makeover

2008-01-09T07:59:00.001-05:00

We live in a raised ranch and have what is called a finished basement. Though it's not really a basement to us, it's part of the living space. It consists of a bathroom, family room, and a furnace room that has a computer/music area for The Nephew and a sometimes organized storage area.

Over the past couple of years, we have been working to undo the damage my mother did with her interior and exterior design ideas. Our first step was to use color on the walls rather than the insane asylum white that was in every room except the Nephew's, which was a sensory deprivation gray.

The next step was to take up three layers of kitchen floor. Because there had been a slow leak from a baseboard heating joint for many years, the floor was rotting with mold. Very disgusting. We also lost a built in desk in the process. We (and by we, I mean our handyman who does everything for us) put down a beautiful 20x20 Italian porcelain tile (that I got for 1.80 a square foot, nyah nyah), which I have to say, is gorgeous and hides dirt very well. If you've read my blog on organization, then you know that would be very important to me. During this process we ended up moving a very large pantry cabinet and had to replace the crap wall that the pantry, desk and bookshelves were hiding. Prior to my mother's modern makeover of the kitchen, it had carpet and gold paneling. Most excellent. She took that away then added black and white vinyl tile and ruined a beautiful hardwood floor in the process. The bisque cabinets are alright as are the black counters. We are keeping them for now. At least 10 - 15 years we're hoping to get out of them

The bottom layer of floor and the wall that had to be replaced.

The gorgeous new tile...the border came from Lowes.
Love the tile. Bet you can't find the dirt!

At the same time we did a mini makeover on our downstairs bathroom which no longer makes me cringe when I enter it. As part of that we began the makeover on the basement, or what I like to call, the pit of despair. The pit is basically disgusting. I can say that, because I have lived here forever. It's been a family room for us, at one point it was a studio apartment for us, now it is back to a family room.

The house has had cats, cigarette smokers, pipe smokers and the basement carpet is very funky. The makeover began last year because I had to cut a square of carpet out. Why would I cut one little square of carpet out? Because it was where my father kept the litter box and it smelled like cat piss. Yes, my basement constantly smelled like cat piss. Therefore, the one foot square of carpet was cut out. So as part of the bathroom makeover, I decided to redo the area outside of the bathroom.

I primed the paneling and painted it a lovely yellow that looks green because of the color of the wood trim. And now I'm not sure I really like this color at all. So I stopped right there, because now this involves priming and painting trim and doors, and while I love painting, I painted the whole upstairs myself, I hate priming. I am not down with that just yet. So "we" (see above) put the tile in, which I love, and called it a day.

The beginning of the makeover. The yellow actually looks okay in this picture, but it's going. I have changed my mind, and that is the end of that. Even though I still have two gallons of it. Hmmmm, no it's going.

The Pit of Despair is brown. Like someone came in with a spray gun and sprayed shit all over the place. The paneling is brown, the carpet is brown, the trim is brown, the bookshelves are brown. It's brown, man, it's just a whole lot of brown. The paneling was there when my parents moved in, as was a gold shag carpet. Apparently the shit brown carpet was an improvement.

So now we are ready for the full monty. The pit of despair is going to become Man Town and I am not lifting a finger to do any of it. YAY! Beginning February 10, we are getting paint on everything, new carpet, new baseboards for the heat, molding along the floor where there isn't any, and a closet organizer. Then we are getting new furniture. I am so excited I can barely contain myself. So I present to you our before pictures so you can gasp with amazement when I post the after pictures.

Brown

Brown and some brick

Brown

Brown

What the hell is that on the baseboard? I don't know, but it's brown and it doesn't come off and that's why the whole damn thing is getting replaced.

So though it is a while off, the makeover is in progress because of all the happy planning.

I Love Music

2008-01-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

I love all kinds of music. Kids music, classical, church music, some hard core music, some country music, light music, pop, some rap, motown r&b, some jazz, inspirational, whatever, I like all kinds. I use music to be sad, to be angry and to move through those feelings to happy. If I need a boost, if I need to calm down, music does it.

Diosa wrote a blog about theme songs, I can't say I have one theme song. It often depends on the day and sometimes even on the time of day and what's happening at that particular moment. I'll listen to the same song throughout a day of driving because I'm obsessed with it for the day and when I finally let the song change, I'll obsess on the next one.

A couple of friends of mine make mix CDs and we will exchange them and tell stories to each other through the music.

I'll listen to certain songs at certain times of the year. The first warm day of Spring means I pull out 10000 Maniacs and The Smithereens. Echo and The Bunnymen make an appearance at that time as well. These bring me back to high school and Thayer street. Loved hanging on Thayer street and I can't wait until the Things are old enough to think it's cool to go there.

Indigo girls always meant a sing a long with one friend of mine that I have long lost touch with. But they bring good memories, and I will sing my part whenever I hear them.

There are some songs that bring me right back to being young. Different times. Joan Jett always brings me back to sitting at the kitchen table listening to AT 40, however old that was, but I can still see the gold paneling in our kitchen, so that's young. A certain disco song brings me back to when I was about 5 years old and had trouble lots of falling asleep, and that songs haunts me when I hear it. A certain song at church reminds me of when a friend passed away suddenly in college.

You know that song that goes "Oh what a night, late December back in 63"? Well that song reminds me of a horrible hangover. Riding the train Friday morning, up to graduate school in Boston, praying that I wouldn't toss my cookies on the ride and that one freakin' line running through my head for the whole ride. I hate that song. Now, Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name Of", that's a different story. That song just reminds me of the fun I had getting that hangover and dancing like an idiot at Lupos with the usual Thursday night suspects! Cotton Eye Joe? Ask Doc about that when you see him.

Some songs make me think of high school crushes and I feel my stomach drop when they come on. "No one is to Blame" is one of those.

Kenny Loggins has one of the best children's cds ever. I'll never hear that disc and not think of the Things and how cute they were when we listened to it. The Wiggles. Very catchy music and it makes Thing 2 do hysterical dance moves. How can you not like it. Bear in the Big Blue House. That was the first kids disc I got when Thing 1 was 10 months old. He would start kicking his legs like a maniac when I put that on in the car.

I will usually have a mix of music playing or the radio on, but the dj's irritate me lately, so usually discs. If I have the radio on, there are certain songs that come on that make me blast the radio and dance and sing with the things. Thing 1 gets a little horrified, Thing 2 jumps right on the wagon with me. Though I can say the same thing when I have discs going. I always have it on random, so I never know what is coming next. It's always a great surprise, like when you're at a club and your favorite song comes on.

Rob Thomas, Colin Hay, Santana, Kate Havenik, Anna Nalik, Dave Matthews, Tim McGraw, a certain Mr Barry Russo, Indigo girls, Blue Shift Signal, Stevie Wonder, Bare Naked Ladies, Maroon 5, Howard Jones, 10000 Maniacs, REM, The Smithereens, Metallica (yes, Metallica), Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilar, Sting, Five for Fighting, Lori Berkner, Genesis, Phil Collins, The Hooters, Goo Goo Dolls, Train, almost any 80's soft rock ballad, and many many more. They all make me happy.

I am constantly making mix discs for myself so I can hear all my favorites without the extra crap. My MIL would smack me and say I need an IPOD. She's right, but the finances are going in other directions right now, so that has to wait. Besides, it's fun making the discs and sharing them with people. You can give me a disc, I'll probably love at least half the songs on it, if not all of them. If you want one, I'll make one for you. I think I am very good at it, that's right, no shame here. I have an awesome jukebox on my myspace page. It's private , so you may need to ask to be my friend, such a snobby bitch am I. Go take a listen for a glimpse into my obsessions, past and present.

I love music, all kinds, and you should too!

A Flashback to Thanksgiving and the First Night at the Mirabar

2008-01-08T08:10:00.000-05:00

Party like it’s 1999...
Current mood: silly
Category: Life

...because that's probably the last time I went to an "alternative" (to be pc) bar or any bar on the night before thanksgiving. After church another choir member and I were feeling a little restless and decided we needed to go out, and where is the best place to go after singing in church? To an alternative bar, of course, to see a nonalternative friend playing his music.

And who do we run into on the way to the bar? Why an incredibly cute CCD student and her very nice mom coming out of High School Musical. "What are you guys doing out, not seeing High School Musical?", (because it would be wierd for two grown women to be going that kind of play, right?) "No, we decided to go out for a drink after church tonight", "Ooh, that's great did you have fun?" (because at 10:00 pm, two grown women who are mothers should be heading home to get ready for Thanksgiving the next day, right?), "No, we just got here and you probably don't really want to know where we are headed". ohhhhhh, so inappropriate.

We had a great time, and are already planning our next trip out. If you can go to the Mirabar on a late Saturday night, go on and do it and check out the piano bar, you'll have a great time. The dance club looks incredibly fun and kind of crazy, but we got scared and ran away.

It's time to be domestic and tame again.

Happy Thanksgiving and here's to many more nights at Mirabar!!

Just in Case You were Wondering

2008-01-02T17:32:00.000-05:00

So, the Yankee Candle mess is not yet over, and now UPS is on the shit list. UPS was supposed to deliver overnight packages that were sent out 12/20/07. We did not receive those packages until after Christmas and 2 of them seem to have been delivered by Ace Ventura. The packages jingle when you pick them, nothing ordered from Yankee Candle has jingle bells on it. UPS sucks. Yankee Candle has offered a full refund to any customer that wants it and they get to keep the product. Whoo hoo. So that's the story with that. Um, just so you know, Yankee Candle was supposed to over in November. never again.

Happy New Year

2008-01-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

It is 2008 now. Happy new year! Much peace and happiness to all of you. I hope all of your resolutions are easy ones and that next year finds you even happier than this one.

Much love to you all!!

As Thing 2 said tonight as we were leaving Smarmy and Nurse Rachet's house...

"Happy New Year to All"

Faith, Spirituality and Religion

2007-12-29T21:10:00.000-05:00

I know I have faith. I am not sure what it means to be spiritual, or have spirituality. Because I believe that my father is with me most of the time, and sometimes speaks to us through Thing 2, is that crazy or spiritual. Because I do pray to God and thank him for what I have and sometimes pray for others, is that spirituality as well as faith. I sometimes hear myself saying, "I'll pray for you", but mostly I'll say "I'll keep you in my thoughts." I never like it when people push their religion on me ("Jesus loves you", is not something I really need to hear from people, boy does that make me squirm), so I try not to involve the word pray if I think it may offend someone, though I think most people would smile and say thanks. If I am supposed to be teaching my kids about faith and God, should I be scared to say I am praying for someone. Where do I let my faith go then.

I don't question the saying, "God only gives you what you can handle". I look to my father's death for support of that statement. I believe that when God had seen that he was way in over his head, and couldn't dig out, He gave him a break. I can't explain every death that happens, that just crazy and narcissistic, but I think some can be explained in that fashion. I get worried when I write things such as this, that my friends may think me naive and small minded. "Not real sophisticated is she", I can hear it now. But I think it's because I have a faith in God that I can say these things, and I think it's me questioning my faith when I worry what people will think about my thoughts. I waffle, but I do stand fast in the fact that I have faith in something, and I believe it is God.

But where do faith and spirituality meet? I don't even know how to define spiritual, and I am avoiding looking it up, because I want to try to work it out for myself.

It's funny to me that I teach first graders about our religion, about Jesus and God, yet in reading some of the passages in the book, I get a little, I don't know, my back gets up in reading some of the passages. Like it's a little hokey, like there's a more sophisticated way of doing this whole religion thing. So where is my faith and spirituality in that? I know that Jesus is the focus of Christian religions, but I find myself more comfortable talking about God than Jesus. Maybe that's the Jew in my background peeking out and saying "Hey there little girl, remember where you came from". For instance, when The Nephew's grandmother says to me "Jesus is doing his good work through you and Doc", can't she just say God? Let's not get into how hypocritical I feel taking that praise to begin with, because Jesus isn't working through me when I want to wring The Nephew's neck. Oh, but my back gets up, and that's probably why I never picked up a certain book she had given to me last Christmas. But when a friend, who I know has questions about faith, told me that I should read it, now it's okay for some reason. Why? Where is my faith when I can't listen to her telling me these things, and sharing these ideas and thoughts, where is the spirituality? Why do I cringe at these words.

So I don't really know where I am going with this, but these are questions that run through my head. I am reading "The Faith Club" for my book club, and I am enjoying it. Some questions are being addressed in it, but I can't talk to those women in this forum yet, so here you go. I almost would like to have a seat with the priest of our church, but I fear he would kick me out of teaching the young'uns, and I don't think I would be ready to talk to someone who is so faithful and spiritual in such a visible fashion. So my friends, here we go again, what do you think?

A Little Bit of Christmas Mojo

2007-12-25T13:02:00.001-05:00

From our night out at the Mirabar. What a great night!!

Best Neighbor Ever Award-2007

2007-12-20T17:28:00.000-05:00

I just need to give Nurse Betty/Ratchet and Smarmy the 2007 Best Neighbor of the Year Award for offering to let us use their car if ours didn't make it back for tomorrow. You guys have the best of both worlds...You look fantastic because you were so nice to offer, yet you don't have to worry about me cracking up your car! Thank you!!! The award has been informally held by the Sundance Kids (you know who you are) for 3 years running! Neighbors are the best!

An Update of the Insanity

2007-12-20T16:22:00.000-05:00

So, as of 4:23, I have my Golden Chariot repaired, apparently the battery decided it was definitely done working. The ridiculous parties at school are done ( The pizza place almost fucked me royally, they told me the pizzas had 16 slices each, I had to feed 24 kids, so I got four pizzas thinking there would be extra, but there were only 12 slices in each, so it just made it possible for each kid to have 2 pieces each, that could have been ugly.) I found cards for the Things to give to their friends, at The Ocean State Job Lot, love that place, AND I remembered to get utensils for the boys scout party tonight. I had my voice lesson, and while I was not on the top of my game, it was educational and helpful (thank you Piano Man). And because I had to pick up Doc, I got to meet his partner in crime where he works on Thursdays. So I am feeling much better now that I have my vehicle back, and all is well. Thanks for all of your concern and well wishes =). I am the best mother ever (whatever).

However, this next peace of heaven, actually forced me into tears, and we all know by now that "I HATE CRYING". This is an email I just had to send out to the parents at my sons' school that are waiting with bated breath for the fucking Yankee Candles to come in. I'm telling you, NEVER AGAIN.

"So some boxes came in, and most didn't. Three of the packages are stuck in transit, and many boxes haven't even been shipped, I have no idea what to tell you. I know many of this stuff was to be for Christmas gifts, and I don't know what to do at this point. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make this better. My only thoughts are as follows, whoever does the Fund raising next year...run screaming from The Yankee Candle lady."

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2007-12-19T19:31:00.000-05:00

So it was almost a quiet productive day. Almost. I got a lot done because Thing 2 stayed home from school sick today. So I got the Christmas cards done. I got a report for work done. I got a project started for a party at the kids school tomorrow. My big piece de resistence was going to be running errands when Doc got home to finish up a few odds and ends, and wrap presents when he goes out shopping tonight. So I go to pick up Thing 1, and what does he pull out of his folder when we get home. The thing I dread the most, the class list for cards.

A month ago, I got a great idea from a friend of mine. Get a bunch of pencils and put a little note on each with a ribbon for the classmates. Did I do that? No. I saw the pencils, had them in my hand two weeks ago, and thought...nah, I'll get them another time. And then that Goddamn list came home to remind me of the fact that I cannot keep up with this being a thoughtful Mommy crap. Not to mention the cute little goodie bags that the other kids send out. Who has time or patience for that. Not to mention that today was crazy hat day, wear a crazy hat if you bring a canned good. Guess who forgot all about it! That's right. Yours truly. Oh and The Nephew (who is already on the shit list because for the second year in a row he neglected to tell us about the inter school concert for his choir that happened last night) announces that he needs to go get fitted for a shirt for Choir before his therapist appointment at 5:00. So my nice relaxed productive day is now turning on me a little but that's okay, because now I get to go fix the card issue when I run my errands. And there is plenty of time to get the fitting done.

So I leave, and go to get gas because the idiot light is on. I go to a full serve station, because I am a princess, and the nice young man, who is adorable, what a nice kid, fills the tank. As he goes to run my card through, I turn my key and this horrible sound comes from my engine, and it won't start. Oh shit. So he comes back out and I say to him "what do you think that sound was" and he tells me to shut everything down and try again. Same horrible sound and shaking now. Oh shitty shit shit. So he calls the mechanic who is on the way. THANK GOD I was at the gas station because I would have been crying at this point, and I really hate crying. So we get the car pushed into a spot, Doc comes to get me and I leave my Golden Chariot behind for repairs.

I didn't get my errands done, which sucks because now I'm cutting into time with the project for the stupid party at school tomorrow and the wrapping, and I have a woman from choir coming to practice a duet after the kids go down (that's cool though, I like that). So I sit on the computer and chat with a friend for a few minutes (because there wasn't anything else I should have been doing?) before I take The Nephew to be fitted at the store that isn't open. Yup, the only day during the week when it closes early. Son of a bitch and shitty shit shit. So I drop him at his appointment, and go run my errands. I get everything on my list, including a single serving of a Duo Dorito pouch (yes I eat when I get stressed) EXCEPT, for the f&*%ing Christmas cards (only I don't realize that until after I have retrieved The Nephew I get home and start stomping around, whimpering and whining). It is now 6:15 and no one has eaten or done piano homework (sorry Piano Man). So I grab a beer and crack open the Doritos, and ahhhhhhhh, that's a little better. Everyone gets fed a nice healthy meal, I have a horrible dinner of chips and beer, ugh why do I do that? Doc promises to get the Christmas cards while he is out shopping for presents and the Things help me work on the stuff for tomorrow. Things 2 is adamant that he must stay home again tomorrow. But what tomorrow has in store is bringing the boys to school, dropping Doc at work so I can have a car, hopefully dropping a report off to work, voice lessons (yay!) the pizza party for the 6th grade fund raising winners and the Polar Express extravaganza for the second grade, so no, I think he may go to school unless he breaks out with measles during the night.. Oh, and the boy scout party, which I forgot to get utensils for...gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, just remembered that just this minute. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Add that to the list for tomorrow. And Piano Man, no I will not cancel that lesson, even though I haven't practiced enough, I will be there, dammit! Because that is my one sanity these days. And now I still have to get the cards, Because Doc couldn't find ones that he thought would be good for the kids, which means there aren't any. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. And this is an email I just sent to my friend.

"My car died today, which adds another layer of fun to tomorrow. I have to drop the kids off, then take Doc to work so I can have the car, then I want to get all of the stuff to you, and I have to go to my office and drop crap off, maybe I'll reverse that order, because then at 10:30 I have my voice lesson. which should be done by 11:30, I have the pizzas ordered already, I am picking those up at 12:00, coming to school for all the parties, then going to get Doc and get ready for scouts and hopefully get my car back somewhere in there. Please shoot me, please do it now."

To summarize, I have bitten off more than I can chew, my car betrayed me, slap me next year if I want to do anything with the PTA, and beer is good. Thank you and good night.

Well wishes and prayers please

2007-12-17T22:14:00.000-05:00

Smarmy is going in for surgery tomorrow. Please keep him in your thoughts. Smarmy's a good guy and he's having pins put in his ankle, which sounds like it would suck royally. Cowlady (who is reserving the right to switch her screen name, and who can blame her) is a little stressed out, so please send some positive energy her way.

Short and Sweet

2007-12-17T18:52:00.000-05:00

The Nephew's girlfriend got him a subscription to cat fancy. How funny is that?

Little Snippets about Doc and our lIfe

2007-12-10T20:02:00.000-05:00

Doc and I have been together for 18 years, married for 9. We met on a blind date September 29,1989. We were introduced to each other by The King of Poop. The King felt that both the Doc and I had significant others that weren't appropriate, so he set us up and we hit it off very well. Doc was 6'1, 150 pounds. He had a black and white striped Rugby shirt on that made his broad shoulders look even wider. He was very cute and I told a friend the next Monday that I was going to marry that guy.

These days Doc is 6'2 and a little heavier, but in good shape. His shoulders are wider than ever and the right shirt or suit on him takes my breath away. He will always be 17 when I look at him, I still think I am 17 too though. Stuck in a time warp to the day we met I guess. And as you know, I did marry that guy.

Doc hardly gets sick, but when he does he doesn't fool around. He never has just the minor every day cold. No, he gets Strep Throat, and shares it. He'll get a horrible stomach bug that leaves him in bed for days, and thank God he doesn't share that. The following is a story of how big Doc likes to make his illnesses.

Doc works Friday nights and most Saturdays at a group home for adolescent boys. When he was house staff, he would go out to stores with the kids. On this particular Friday night in November, 2004, I woke up at about 1:00 to Doc thrashing around.

"What's wrong"
"Nothing, I have this crushing pain in my chest, it feels like someone is kneeling on my chest"
"Ummm, don't you think I should call a Doctor or rescue?
"No (more thrashing), I'll be okay, do we have any ibuprofen, my neck hurts (because that's the big problem...his neck)"
"Ummm, yeah, okay, are you sure you don't want me to call someone?"
"Yes"

So he takes his ibuprofen, and goes to sleep. At 3:00, he's up thrashing again in more pain

"I'm calling the doctor"

The Doctor on call suggests that I get him some antacid, so I drive in the snow ( first snow storm of many that winter season) to the nearest 24 hour pharmacy, at 3:00 in the morning and get him some antacid. He takes it and more ibuprofen and goes to sleep. At this point, he is still planning on going to work the next day. He's okay for a while and we all get up at about 7:00. His dad comes by for a reason I can't remember, and during the visit the pain comes again. So as he decides that NOW he is ready to go to the emergency room, the on call doctor calls to see how he is and suggests, oh so helpfully, that I take him to the hospital. So Doc's dad takes him to the ER while I take the boys to a friend's house.

The good thing about having chest pains is that they take you right into the ER. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. When I arrive, Doc is in a little cubby and Dad leaves to take care of some things. I listen as Doc recounts to the Doctors having the SAME CRUSHING PAIN earlier the previous night while he was in a store with some of the boys. So this would make FOUR episodes of feeling like someone is kneeling on his chest. He had to retell the story quite a few times and each time he told it I became more and more irate that he would just try to work through a CRUSHING PAIN in his CHEST.

When the blood work comes back, it is indicative of a heart attack. My handsome 32 year old husband, is having a heart attack. He spends all day in the ER cubby and they finally send him up to the Cardiac Care Unit so he can have a cardiac catheterization on Monday morning. Lots of old people up there. He doesn't belong there. Doc settles in, and he's doing well so I head home. I haven't eaten all day so my in-laws bring sandwiches to the house, and as they are getting ready to go home, the hospital calls and it's his doctor telling me that I should come to the hospital ASAP because he is in the midst of a heart attack, is in a lot of pain and is getting prepped for the procedure. He sounds very concerned. So my father in law takes me there because I am just a little freaked out. Doc is all hopped up on morphine as they take him down, and I wonder, is my husband going to die this weekend. What the hell is going on?

It turns out that he had pericarditis, an infection in the fluid surrounding his heart. It was causing inflammation and that was why every time he took ibuprofen, the pain went away. His heart is in beautiful condition. Doc likes to make it big when he gets sick =). He recovered fine and that stomach bug has been the only thing to lay him up since. I can count on my hand the number of times he has been sick.

Doc is a big strapping buck that I am lucky to call mine. Oh sure he has his flaws and while there are days when I am sure he would like to string me up, there are an equal number of days when I would do the same to him. 99% of the time though, we are happy. We have a good marriage and a beautiful family. I am grateful at the end of each day, no matter what craziness that day brought, for my husband and family. That's what I pray about. I don't really ask for anything. I thank God for our family, for our life and ask that we continue to love each other as He would love us. Yeah, don't think we are all Norman Rockwell, sometimes it it more like Norman Bates, but we have fun and appreciate what we have. You can't get much better than that. An Ordinary Miracle right there.

This is how the name changed...

2007-12-09T14:04:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we attended a birthday party for a cute little four year old girl who lives up the street. She decided that she wanted a costume party for her birthday and so many people, adults and children, obliged. The 2 Things went as Optimus Prime, Doc went as a soccer player, and I , of course, went as a witch. Not too much of a stretch there. The hosts of our party were a cow lady and a smarmy 80's guy. The smarmy 80's guy lived up to his role in ways in which I will not go into. Dude, you know what you did.

As usual the Lissfull family was almost the first to arrive and the last ones to leave. In true 4 year old fashion, the little girl got lots of dress up stuff, including those fabulous plastic high heeled numbers that they get. As the night was winding down, Smarmy went downstairs at the request of his little princess and was carrying her down the basement stairs. On the way down, Smarmy got caught up on one of those fabulous little shoes that was left on the stairs, one leg went one way, one went the other and down he went. From upstairs we heard a thud and a quiet grunt. As we get to the stairs we see him sitting at the bottom quietly swearing. Doc, Cowlady and another friend rushed down the stairs to assess the situation. Everyone was standing there looking at him, Doc was moving around a little checking things out, and Smarmy was still quietly swearing and asking the princess if she was okay. She was fine and so I shouted down to Doc, "HEY, Doc, medic! Let's go!" At which point his army medic training kicked in and he started ordering everyone around to help smarmy. They managed to get Smarmy upstairs. He was a lovely shade of green and starting to go into shock from the pain. He was incredibly gracious and quiet for someone who clearly was in so much pain. A trip to the emergency room revealed an ankle broken in two places and a broken fibula. Smarmy is currently living in the land of vicadin, and is out of commission for a while, I would assume.

Doc, meanwhile was inspired and reminded of his army days when he was the medic and everyone called him Doc. So there we have a new name, and a damaged neighbor. None of us will ever forget the Princess's fourth birthday.

Looking for the Big Yellow Tent

Oh...did I mention?

Another new year...

Life Lessons and Ramblings

Looking at the Bright Side

Keep it Simple

Your Mother Must be so Proud

"The only way past this moment is through it."

The Joys of Incompetence

Pulled Pork (Oh this should have happened oh so long ago)

time sure does fly...

And now for something different...

Mom what should I wear?...never mind

Wasting Time

It's Always Something

Happy 2011

Christmas is Coming

More Leaf Pile

Playing with the leaf pile

Success!! And many yummy results!

ummmmmm....Wait, it's what time???

Wow....really?

Our First Gingerbread House

All that free time is paying off

and the beat goes on

That's it?!

"What's That Smell?"

"Having a vodka on the rocks while I write an IEP"

Greener Grass Part Deux

The Grass is Always Greener....

Time Flies and Facebook is a Black Hole Sucking it Out of the Sky

A Picture Everyone Should See

The Beginning of the End

Oooh, people make my Ass Twitch

Zen in 2010

Another Twist of Fate

Four Years

We Now Return to the Regularly Scheduled Programming

How's the running going?

New Camera

The Summer that Almost Isn't

Ahhhh, teenage boys

Do People Actually Enjoy This

untitled

Revisiting my Freak Flag

A Conversation with Thing 2 Before Bed

I Guess this is Why

Sorry....

Seriously?

Ruffoni Hammered Copper Stockpot with Acorn Knob

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A Small Victory

Turbo the Wonder Thief

An Update on Thing 2

Back into the Swing

A Quote again

The new Beautiful Boy

A Quote to Enjoy

Getting my Freak Flag up There as High as I Can

A bed fit for a mouse....

Taking Time to Enjoy the View

Thunder, Lightning and Anxiety...Oh My

You had to get the Crazy Dog...

The Life Cycle According to Thing 2

My Limerick

Yet again

Ah ha

Why?

My Ear is all Wet

Wow

Just for fun

A Little Perspective Please

Unicorn Wings

Smarmy

Do as I Say...

TA DA!

Musical Theater?

I Will Never Win Mother of the Year

Woooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooo 2!!!!

You know it's bad when....

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